Maple Syrup Chainsaw
by Shinigami-cat
Summary: Based off the game 'Lollipop Chainsaw' It's the first of July, which means its Matthew's birthday. What could be better than going to the park on campus and spending the day with his boyfriend? Too bad there's a zombie apocalypse going on. WARNING! Canada is a bit off in the first few chapters.
1. Birthday Surprise

**Shinigami-cat: **So a while ago I started playing Lollipop Chainsaw and I kind of thought, why not? I OWN NOTHING!

**Summary:**

**It's the first of July, which means its Matthew's birthday. What could be better than going to the park on campus and spending the day with his boyfriend? Too bad there's a zombie apocalypse going on.**

**Warning:**

**Blood, swearing, and all kinds of stuff.**

**Maple Syrup Chainsaw**

**Birthday Surprise**

_Matthew's POV_

The sound of his alarm clock going off made Matthew roll onto his stomach and hit the snooze button. He was tired. He didn't want to get up. But inevitably the alarm went off again and Matthew hauled himself out of bed. He sat up, yawned and stretched, before putting on his glasses and looking at his calendar.

"1st of July? I know that's important… But why is it?" Suddenly he gasped, his eyes widening in shock. "It's my birthday!" He quickly looked at the time and cursed. "Maple! I'm late!" He quickly got up and ran over to his wardrobe.

Today was Matthew's 18th birthday, but that wasn't why it was important. Today he was going to introduce his boyfriend to his family and it was scaring him shitless.

Firstly here's a little info about our boy Matthew before we get started. Matthew Williams is your typical gay high school student; he attends Hetalia World academy, lives on campus, is the star player on the hockey team and is also on the gymnastics team, much to his despair. It wasn't that he didn't like gymnastics it was more that it was a family tradition to do it. Even his brother had done gymnastics.

Alfred was Matthew's older brother. Last year he won a gold medal in shooting at the local hunter's club. He beat everyone by a long shot with minimal effort. He likes to tell everyone he meets that he's the hero.

At the moment Matthew's younger cousin Steve is staying with his parents. Steve used to live in Australia before he came to live in Canada. He just got his licence last week. This made Matthew believe that the people who give out licences were insane. After all Steve had caused three pile ups in the last two days alone.

Now for his parents… Everyone says that his Papa, Francis is a total player that'll jump into anyone's pants… Well, considering the stories Matthew heard about his papa from people, he could see how they got that impression. But his papa was very loyal to Matthew's dad and wouldn't dare cheat on him with anyone. Yes, his parents were gay.

His Dad, Arthur was your typical grumpy British bloke; all suit and tie, killed anyone if they tried to talk to him while he was watching Doctor Who, Queen loving, bad cook kind of guy… Also he had a habit of forgetting who Matthew was or mistaking him for Alfred. But he and Francis were deeply in love and that's all that really mattered.

Speaking of love, back to Matthew's boyfriend of eight months. His name was Gilbert and was an albino, which automatically made him awesome… Well according to him it did anyway. Matthew couldn't believe how much he loved Gilbert, it was crazy.

After school they were both going to go over to Matthew's house where his papa had promised him that they were going to have a party for him. Gilbert was freaking out about meeting Matthew's family for the first time, and Matthew was freaking out for the same reason. His family wasn't exactly normal. They had some traditions that would seem odd to others.

Matthew sighed and quickly pulled on a pair a shorts and tight fitting T-shirt. These were the clothes he usually practiced in for gymnastics. Hopefully he could get some practice in before school started. He quickly shoved some jeans and his red hoodie into his gym bag and slung it over his shoulder. If Gilbert had his way, Matthew would be practicing gymnastics in a leotard like the girls wear.

He chuckled at that thought and quickly downed a bottle of maple syrup before running down stairs to jump on his BMX bike that Steve had gotten for him as an Xmas present last year and ride to the campus park. He quickly peddled down the side of the road as fast as he could, not bothering to take in his surroundings.

"Oh maple!" He muttered. "Gilbert's going to be so mad! He's so not going to be happy with me… Wait a second? Please tell me that's a zombie flash mob…" Several students were walking down the street in an undead fashion. This could have been a zombie flash mob, if it wasn't for the fact that someone's arm was falling off and another person's guts were hanging out. "Okay, they're zombies!"

Without thinking he started to speed up, knocking any zombie that came his way to the ground. '_This sucks!_' He thought. '_Of all the days for this to happen… OH SHIT! SCHOOL BUS!_'

_Problem 1. There's a flipped school bus blocking the road. There is no way around it. You can't stop your bike in time. How do you get around it without dying a painful death?_

_Solution. Thank the lord that your parents forced you to take gymnastics your whole life._

Without even thinking Matthew jumped over the bus, performing an acrobatic flip while he was at it and landed on his feet on the other side. On the other side to greet him were about ten zombies.

"Seriously?" Cried Matthew. "What the hell is going on here?" He reached into his gym bag and pulled out a miniature chainsaw. He would have to thank Alfred later for making him carrying one in his gym bag at all times.

He pulled the cord and let the engine rev for a few seconds before charging at the zombies. In a matter of second's blood, guts and body pieces were everywhere. Matthew sighed and started to jog to the park. '_It's not like I'm not late enough… Why did this happen on my birthday? This sort of thing would never happen to Alfred on his birthday…_'

**Matthew Williams**

**Age: **18

**In love with: **Gilbert Beilschmidt

**Favourite weapon: **Miniature chainsaw

**Favourite food: **Maple syrup

**Hobbies: **Hockey, gymnastics, reading and bisecting the undead

**Secret kink: **Likes wearing leotards when no one's around

He ran over to the main gate which lead to the main ground of the school and sighed dramatically. The gate was bolted shut. "Of all the days to lock this gate…" With one swift swing of his chainsaw he cut through the lock. He kicked the gate open and started to walk towards the park. Hopefully Gilbert wasn't one of the undead yet.

Everywhere he looked, there were zombies and where ever there was a zombie, Matthew and his chainsaw weren't far behind. He left a trail of undead zombie bits everywhere on his quest to get to the park. All that mattered to him was getting there and making sure Gilbert was still alive. If he had to kill Gilbert because he was a zombie it would be the worst birthday ever.

When he eventually got there he was more than a little pissed that the place was overrun with zombies. "Maple!" He cried as he sliced his chainsaw through a female zombie's stomach. "I don't need this today!" In a matter of seconds the zombie hoard had surrounded him and were lashing out at him, trying to bite him.

_Problem 2. Surrounded by the undead with no way to escape. If they grab you, you'll die. If they bite you, you'll die. You can't do any awesome gymnastics to get out. How do you get out of there without dying horribly?_

_Solution. Bitch have you ever seen what happens when a Canadian is super pissed? As in their hockey team just lost the finals pissed?_

Without hesitation Matthew let the hoard get within arms-length of him before he spun around in a circle, killing most of the zombies. The ones that didn't get sliced to ribbons said hello to Matthew's foot.

When he was sure they were all dead he turned off his chainsaw and looked around. "Gilbert?" He called. "Gilbert where are you? It's okay to come out!" Every second he didn't see Gilbert made him quake in fear. If Gilbert was a zombie he would cry. "Please Gilbert! Please come out! Please…"

He sighed and turned around only to come face to face with a zombie. Before he could scream in shock a white blur tackled the zombie to the ground. Matthew smiled happily. This was his boyfriend, Gilbert.

**Gilbert Beilschmidt**

**Age: **18

**In love with: **Matthew AKA Birdie

**Nationality: **Prussian

**Favourite food: **Matthew's pancakes

**Favourite drink: **Good German beer

**Hobbies: **Being awesome, bass guitar, masturbating

Suddenly Gilbert cried out in pain and fell to his side clutching his wrist. "FUCK! SHIT! FUCKING ZOMBIE!" While Gilbert was writhing in agony the zombie got to his feet, but Matthew quickly chopped off its head before it could do anymore harm.

With the zombie dead he quickly ran to his boyfriend's side. "Gilbert… Are you okay?"

Gilbert groaned in pain. "A zombie bit me… But are you okay?"

Matthew looked at Gilbert's wrist, looking at the bite mark. He could feel tears building up in his eyes. "I'm fine… I was fine until this happened…"

Gilbert smiled a little half-heartedly. "Sorry… I kind of ruined your birthday… Shit I'm going to become a zombie aren't I?"

Matthew nodded sadly. "Yeah… But don't worry about my birthday. I didn't even realize it was my birthday until I looked at the calendar."

Gilbert groaned in pain, the zombie side starting to take over. "Birdie… I love you…" He closed his eyes, still groaning in pain.

Tears filled Matthew's eyes. This wasn't how he expected his birthday to go at all, but he couldn't wallow in sadness. Not when he remembered something he could do to save Gilbert. He wiped his tears away and stood up, grabbing his chainsaw. "No! This is not how it's going to end! Not today of all days! There's still something we can try!"

Matthew pulled the cord on the chainsaw again, starting it up. At the sound of the chainsaw starting again Gilbert opened his eyes and gulped. "Matthew? What the fuck?"

Matthew raised the chainsaw high into the air, smiling slightly. "I love you Gilbert." He brought the chainsaw down on Gilbert's neck.

**XoXoXo page brake oXoXoX**

_Gilbert's POV_

Gilbert groaned. His mind was still cloudy as he tried to remember what had happened earlier that day. Firstly he got up and ate some toast before heading off to the park with his boyfriends birthday present tucked under his arm.

He was sitting in the campus park when all hell broke loose, and by all hell he means the zombies. He escaped by climbing up a tree. He was freaking out. He thought for sure he was going to die, heck he thought that Matthew was dead. That was until the usually shy, timid Canadian ran into the park carrying a chainsaw and going all Rambo on their undead asses.

Luckily he snapped out of his shocked state long enough to see the zombie sneaking up on his blond and knocked its undead ass to the ground… Unfortunately he ended up getting bitten and got his head chopped off, but that wasn't possible. He would be dead if that happened, right?

He groaned and opened his eyes. Smiling down at him was Matthew. It looked like they were inside a classroom now and not outside. "Gilbert, you're still alive."

"Matthew?" Muttered Gilbert. "What happened? Am I okay?"

Matthew bit his lip nervously. "Well… yes and no…"

Gilbert gulped. "But I'm not a zombie right?"

"You're not a zombie." Said Matthew with a nervous smile.

Gilbert sighed and tried to sit up. "Okay, just tell me what…" His eyes went wide with fear. "Why can't I feel my arms? Why can't I feel my legs? He looked down and gasped in shock. Matthew was holding his severed head in his hands. He no longer had a body. "FUCK!"

"I'm sorry!" Cried Matthew. "It was the only way I could save you! Please don't be made at me!"

"I DON'T HAVE A FUCKING BODY!" Screamed Gilbert. "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO ME? HOW THE FUCK AM I STILL ALIVE? I'M A FUCKING HEAD! HOW CAN I BREATH WITHOUT A SET OF LUNGS?"

Matthew bit his lip nervously and put Gilbert on the floor. He sat in front of him and sighed sadly, guilt was written all over his face. "Please don't get mad… I didn't know what to do. I performed a magical ritual on your head. It was really hard, but if I didn't do it the venom would have seeped into your brain and turned you into a zombie."

Gilbert took a deep breath and sighed, trying to calm himself a little. "Okay… But um… How exactly do you know how to perform a magical ritual on my severed head?"

Matthew looked down at his lap and twiddled his thumbs nervously. "Um… Well there's some stuff I haven't told you about me yet… I didn't want you to think I was weird. I'm kind of… sort of… You see um…"

The sound of the classroom door slamming open made Gilbert gasp. Three zombies were lurching into the classroom. "Matthew!"

"Please let me finish." Said Matthew. "You see I'm a…"

"MATTHEW! ZOMBIES!"

"I'm sort of a…"

"ZOMBIES! GOING TO KILL US! WHY DON'T YOU SEE THIS?" Screamed Gilbert in a panic. He was already a decapitated head. He didn't want to be a zombie decapitated head.

Matthew sighed and grabbed his chainsaw. "I'm a zombie hunter."

"What?"

Matthew quickly stood up and clipped Gilbert's head to his pants and he started his chainsaw up again. "Please don't hate me!"

**TBC**

**Shinigami-cat: **Randomness is random sorry that Matthew's OC, but hopefully it'll only be for the first chapter or two… Please review!


	2. Rotten World

**Shinigami-cat: **I promise I'll get back to writing Maple and Birds soon! Until then… I OWN NOTHING!

**Rotten World**

_Matthew's POV_

After Matthew had slaughtered the zombies that had stumbled into the classroom he sighed and looked down at Gilbert. He still felt guilty about chopping his head off. "I'm really sorry Gilbert… I didn't mean to… I mean I meant to but…"

Gilbert sighed. "Birdie… Quite honestly I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I'm a talking head. You had your reasons… I guess… Being a zombie hunter isn't exactly the most normal job in the world…"

Matthew smiled a little. "Thanks for understanding."

"Whatever." Muttered Gilbert. "So… Where are we?"

"Second floor of the school." Said Matthew. He unclipped Gilbert's head and put it on the teacher's desk, facing the white board, while he grabbed a pen and quickly drew a picture of the building. "I had to climb a tree to get up here… But as far as I can tell there are zombies everywhere. They have overrun the whole campus and aren't going to stop. We'll need to get some supplies, so I say we go to the cafeteria and get some food."

"I'm a head." Said Gilbert. "What am I going to eat?"

Matthew smiled a little. "Good point… But it's a good place to start." He picked up Gilbert's head and clipped it back onto his shorts.

"Wait a second here!" Cried Gilbert. "What are we going to do about my body?"

"I might be able to find a spell that could help." Said Matthew. "But we'll have to wait until all the zombies are dead. I can't leave a single one alive."

Gilbert smiled a little. "Yeah, I get it… But here's another question for you; what happened to the shy, timid Canadian?"

Matthew blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. "W-well…" He stuttered. "I'm still all that… It's just… It's just zombies seem to be able to notice me when everyone else ignores me… and you can't let your guard down while they're around."

"I guess…" Said Gilbert. "But what am I going to do? I'm just a head."

Matthew thought for a second. "Well… I know a way you can help me… But you probably won't like it."

Gilbert attempted to look up at up at Matthew and smiled. "How?"

Matthew scratched the back of his head and chuckled nervously. "Well… there's this spell I know where I can momentarily make zombies follow my orders if they have a living head on them…"

"So basically you want to stick my head onto the body of a zombie?" Asked Gilbert.

"I never said it was the best idea." He opened the door and started to walk down the messed up hallway. Bloody hand prints among other things covered the walls. Matthew sighed sadly and kept walking. "Keep an eye out and tell me if you see any zombies or people."

Gilbert rolled his eyes. "Not like I'm going to be doing anything else… Two zombies are walking towards us!"

Matthew looked over at the zombies Gilbert was talking about and ran towards them. His chainsaw cut through them as easily as butter. Unfortunately he got blood spray all over Gilbert's face.

"EW! FUCK! ZOMBIE BLOOD!"

"Sorry!" Said Matthew as he pinned a zombie to the ground with his foot and slammed the chainsaw through its head. "I'll clean you up as soon as I can! I promise!"

Suddenly an ear splitting scream echoed down the halls followed by several curses in German. Only a small handful of people could speak German. Matthew looked down at Gilbert and saw the fear that was running through his eyes. He obviously just remembered his younger brother went to the same school. Well, considering he was now a decapitated head, it was understandable.

Matthew quickly dashed down the hall, jumping over a few tipped lockers and bodies. They got to the art room and Matthew kicked the door open. There were five zombies lurching towards two students standing on a table in the far corner. One of them was small with reddish brown hair and the other was a tall muscular blond. They were fending the zombies off by throwing clay pots at them.

"Ve! Ludwig I'm scared!" Cried the smaller of the two.

"Calm down Feliciano." Growled Ludwig as he threw two pots at a zombie, breaking its leg and smashing in its skull.

Matthew growled and glared at the zombies. "Hey! Undead hosers!" He called as he charged towards them. "Leave them alone!" In a matter of seconds the zombies were a pile of blood and body pieces. When they were dead Matthew looked up at the two terrified students. "You two okay?"

Feliciano nodded and started crying. "What's happening here? I just came here early to do my art project… and we ended up throwing it at zombies!"

Ludwig sighed and hugged the sobbing boy in an attempt to comfort him. "It's okay Feliciano…" He looked over at Matthew and frowned. "You're dating my brother aren't you?"

Matthew nodded. "Yeah. I'm Matthew."

"I see…" Said Ludwig. "Do you know what happened to my brother?"

"Don't talk about me like I'm dead!" Snapped Gilbert as Matthew unclipped him and held him up to Ludwig. "I'm too awesome to die!"

All the colour in Ludwig's face drained away at the sight of his brother's decapitated talking head. "What? How? You're a talking head!"

Gilbert rolled his eyes. "Get with the program West. That happened like… five minutes ago."

Feliciano looked at Gilbert's head with freaked out eyes. "Ve? Gilbert?"

Matthew sighed and wiped a bit of blood off Gilbert's face. "We don't have time for this. Gilbert is coming with me because I might have a way to give him back his body, but you two need to get to somewhere safe… The roof is good."

"But we don't have any weapons." Said Ludwig.

Matthew quickly looked around the art room and quickly walked into the store room. He came out with a few spray cans and a heavy looking plank of wood used for sculpting. "If you have a lighter you have a flame thrower and a club."

Ludwig pulled a lighter out of his pocket and gave it to Feliciano. "You use it." When Feliciano and Ludwig were armed they made their way up to the school roof.

"Stay safe West!" Called Gilbert. "Remember keep calm and don't lose your head!"

Matthew rolled his eyes. "You have a sick sense of humour." He continued his way to the cafeteria, occasionally swinging his chainsaw at zombies and directing the few surviving students to head to the roof.

Eventually they got to the cafeteria seating on the second floor and walked inside. There was a short Asian man, swinging his katana at several zombies. Gilbert quirked an eyebrow in question. "Does that guy even go to our school?"

Matthew grinned. "Kiku Sensei!"

The Asian man looked over at Matthew and smiled. "Hello Matthew-kun. One moment please…" Time seemed to stand still as Kiku jumped into the air and swung his sword in what seemed like an erratic pattern of movements before lading. As soon as his feet touched the ground the zombies exploded.

**Honda Kiku**

**Age: **77

**Hometown: **Tokyo Japan

**Favourite food: **Sea urchin

**Hobbies: **Karate, kama sutra, taking pictures of people

"It is good to see you again Matthew-kun." Kiku happily as he walked over to Matthew. He glanced over to Gilbert's head and frowned. "Matthew-kun… you seem to have a head attached to your hip."

Matthew smiled and unclipped Gilbert, holding him in one arm. "Sensei, this is my boyfriend Gilbert." He looked down at Gilbert and whispered. "This is my teacher, Kiku Sensei. He is the most amazing veteran zombie hunter ever."

"That is correct." Said Kiku. "I have studied the Zombiod science for over forty years."

"Okay then…" Said Gilbert. "Do you have any idea what's happening to the school?"

Kiku nodded. "Yes. The school is in dire trouble. My research tells me that something has gone wrong on a cosmic scale."

"Oh no." Said Matthew.

Gilbert nodded in agreement. "That sucks."

"Indeed." Said Kiku in a monotone voice. "The universe is composed of three dimensions; The land beyond words, The rotten world and our dimension, earth. There are dimensional walls between each, but someone, using a combination of black magic and explosives, has cracked the wall between Earth and Rotten world. The gasses of Rotten world have seeped into our world. Your friends and fellow students inhaled these gasses, which transformed them into the undead."

"Now that really sucks." Said Gilbert.

"Don't interrupt." Whispered Matthew.

Kiku chose to ignore Gilbert and keep going. "Whoever did this might be trying to open up a permanent gateway between our world and Rotten world. Unfortunately, once they've become zombies there is no return. All we can do is clean up the school, kill the undead and stop the fool who caused all this. That is our mission. The fool is either in the cafeteria downstairs, or in the courtyard. You destroy the zombies in the cafeteria and I'll head to the courtyard."

Matthew nodded and clipped Gilbert back to his shorts. "Understood Sensei."

Gilbert sighed dramatically. "I'm going to keep getting manhandled aren't I?"

Kiku bowed and took his leave out an open window. "Good luck Matthew-kun. I'm counting on you both… Kill the mother fuckers." With that he jumped out the window, leaving Matthew in a state of shock.

"Maple… Sensei must be pissed." Said Matthew. "He only ever swears when he's really angry."

Gilbert raised an eyebrow. "Really? He seemed pretty… emotionless to me."

Matthew shrugged and started up his chainsaw again. "Well… That's just him." He walked over to the railing that overlooked the cafeteria and sighed; there were zombies everywhere. "Well… let's get going Gil."

**TBC**

**Shinigami-cat: **Anyone ever expect Kiku to say mother fuckers? Please review!


	3. Dark Purveyors

**Shinigami-cat: **Hey everyone! In this chapter we'll meet the idiot who opened the gateway to Rotten World. But the person who did it might surprise you… I OWN NOTHING!

**Dark Purveyors**

The zombies had them surrounded. Perhaps standing on a table wasn't such a good idea. "We're so screwed!" Cried Gilbert. "We're going to die!"

"We aren't screwed yet." Said Matthew. "Tell me if you can see any gas bottles."

"Those would be in the kitchen." Said Gilbert.

Matthew nodded and kicked a zombie in the face, sending its broken teeth everywhere. "Okay…" He muttered. He slammed the chainsaw right through a zombie's neck. "I guess we're going to have to get to the kitchen."

"Why?" Asked Gilbert as a zombie tried to grab him. "A little help here!"

Matthew quickly turned and sliced off several arms. "I'm going to make a gas bomb. One big enough to blow up the zombies but small enough to keep the building up."

"Why do you know how to make a gas bomb?" Asked Gilbert nervously. I wasn't like he wasn't happy that Matthew could make a bomb, which they honestly really needed, but he was more worried about what would happen if someone ever pissed the supposedly quiet Canadian off.

"Doesn't everyone know how to make one?" Replied Matthew. He kicked a zombie in the stomach and jumped down. He quickly dashed to the kitchen door and used the zombie guts and blood to slide the rest of the way.

Once they were in the kitchen Matthew quickly barricaded the door with a few boxes. When they were safe Matthew sighed. '_Today sucks…_'

"Zombie!" Cried Gilbert.

Matthew quickly spun around and chopped off the offending zombies head. The zombie's body fell to the ground and the head rolled away. Matthew was about to walk over it when he paused. "Hey Gil? Remember how I said I could make zombies do what I wanted if I put a living head on them?"

"No freaking way." Said Gilbert. "I am not going to have a zombie body."

"It'll only be for a little while." Said Matthew. "I just need you to turn on the gas stoves and stuff while I find some matches."

Gilbert frowned but nodded reluctantly. "Fine…"

Matthew smiled, happy that his boyfriend would play along. He unclipped Gilbert from his shorts and knelt down in front of the zombie's body. He muttered a few words and with a pop Gilbert's head was stuck to the zombie's body.

Slowly Gilbert got to his feet and groaned. His new body was heavier and slower. Possibly because it was technically dead. Matthew smiled and kissed Gilbert's cheek. "Just turn on all the gas stoves and ovens and any gas tanks you see. I'll find the matches."

As Matthew looked through the cupboards he heard the hiss of gas escaping into the room. When he opened the third cupboard he gasped and pulled out a bottle of unopened maple syrup. Now Matthew loved maple syrup. If he could get married to the sweet, sweet golden liquid of the gods he would. But if he was going to marry anyone it would be Gilbert.

He quickly unscrewed the lid and drank it all. He sighed contently at the sugar rush that made his head buzz. He put the now empty bottle down and went back to looking for matches.

He found some on the third cupboard and grinned. "Are you done yet Gil?"

"Almost." Called Gilbert. "I've turned on all stoves and I found some gas tanks… Why don't we just throw them into the cafeteria? That way the explosion will be bigger."

Matthew nodded and walked over to Gilbert. "Okay, but where is the exit?"

Gilbert pointed over to a door. "That way leads to the delivery bay. We can just run out when the gas bomb goes off."

Matthew nodded and walked over to the door that he had previously barricaded. He pulled the boxes away and looked over at Gilbert. "Get some of the gas tanks, open them and kick them out the door when I open it."

Gilbert nodded and dragged over four tanks. "Ready."

Matthew grinned and opened the door. Gilbert opened the gas tanks and kicked them out into the zombie infested cafeteria. When they were all out there Matthew quickly pulled Gilbert's head off the zombie body and attached him back to his sorts. He then grabbed his chainsaw and quickly ran into the delivery bay. He quickly slammed the door behind him and quickly lit a match. He opened the door and threw it back inside and started to run.

Matthew and Gilbert made it out of the school in time to see the windows explode as the gas bomb went off, but their victory was short lived as Kiku went flying through the air towards them. Luckily for them all Matthew easily caught the Japanese man. "Sensei, are you okay?"

Kiku nodded as he quickly composed himself again. "Yes Matthew-kun, but I found the fool who opened the gateway to Rotten World. There he is!" Kiku pointed to a skinny, pasty white teen, which was wearing a black suit and carrying a book in one hand and a pen in the other. He was standing on top of a statue in the court yard while an evil looking storm was swirling above him.

Matthew frowned. "Hey… I think we went to school with him… Isn't he that Romanian kid? Vlad?"

Vlad laughed as he read over the words in his book. "Oh man, there's nothing more hysterical to me than watching this world burn! This world, this government, this society made my life hell! Now everyone is going to know a life of hell… forever!"

**Vlad Paavo**

**Age: **18

**Nationality: **Romanian

**Favourite Food:** Pez

**Hobbies: **Murder, planning world domination

**Fun Facts: **Practices broody faces in the mirror

"Why did you do this to the school?" Growled Matthew.

Vlad smirked. "What didn't have time to clean out your locker, Matthew?"

"Hey, leave him alone!" Snapped Gilbert. "Just wait till I get my hands on you! Um… I… Erm… I mean… Fuck."

Vlad rolled his eyes and started to perform a summoning spell. "Malicious Lords, I invoke your dark forces in declaring myself God of this realm!" A dark purple aura started to radiate from the book in Vlad's hands. "As the pawn is present, may your ritual commence and may the Dark Purveyors appear!"

"NO!" Cried Kiku. He leaped into the air, intent on cutting Vlad to shreds right then and there, but a rift in the clouds opened up and five coloured orbs zoomed out. They immediately sped towards Kiku and tossed him around like a rag doll before flinging him back at Matthew, who caught him again. But this time Kiku fell to the ground, unconscious.

"Kiku!" Cried Matthew in shock. He knelt down next to his Sensei and checked his pulse. It was very weak.

Laughter started to echo around the buildings from the five coloured floating orbs. There was a green one, a yellow one, a blue one a purple one and a red one.

"This world makes me want to puke!" Cackled the Green orb. "You're the one who called us here?"

"Yeah that's right." Said Vlad. "I'm your new master, and I demand that you initiate the pawn into the ritual, and rot every living thing in the school along the way!"

"Okay master!" Said the Yellow orb.

"Of course mater." Said the Red orb.

Vlad smirked. "Alright guys, time for you to rot this entire school! And everyone in it!"

"I think I dig this kid." Said the Red orb.

The orbs started laughing insanely. "This guy is a fucking head case!" Cried the Blue one.

"I love this guy!" Screeched the Purple orb.

"How could you to this to Sensei Kiku?" Yelled Matthew angrily.

"That smell?" Growled the Yellow orb. "This one's a zombie hunter…"

"Give us the order, Master!" Cried the Red orb.

"Yes give us the order!" Screamed the Purple orb.

"Come on! Come on! Come on!" Cackled the other orb.

Matthew growled and stood up. "What the hell are you idiots laughing at?"

Vlad smirked and waved his hand in the air. "Let the ritual commence! Scott!"

The red orb shot out of the sky and landed in the parking lot. The sonic wave made when it hit the ground was so intense that all the cars there were blasted back. Standing in the middle of it all was a tall man with spiky red hair and green eyes. He looked like a zombie punk rocker with a fancy microphone.

Scott grinned at Matthew. "Okay bitch, let's play…" He took a deep breath and screamed into the microphone. "PISS OFF!" Suddenly giant red and black block letters shot out at of the microphone and right towards Matthew, hitting him right in the chest.

Matthew went flying backwards and crashed into the ground. He groaned in pain as he watched the other Dark Purveyors and Vlad disappear off into the school.

Mathew groaned and stood up. "You okay Gil?"

"I guess…" Muttered Gilbert. "I'm a little dizzy…"

"Well if that's all, let's kick that Dark Purveyor's ass!"

**TBC**

**Shinigami-cat: **Hope this was interesting for you all. Please review.


	4. Punk Punch up

**Shinigami-cat: **Here's the next chapter, with the first Dark Purveyor, Scott! AKA Scotland I hope this battle comes close to how the actual boss battle is in the game… I OWN NOTHING!

**Punk Punch-up**

Matthew ran towards the parking lot, chainsaw buzzing. He was going to take down that Dark Purveyor and then kill Vlad. He would not get away with summoning these beasts. He could see Scott's spiked, flaming red hair. "It probably took him three hours to spike him hair this morning."

"Probably." Said Gilbert.

As soon as Matthew was in range Scott jumped into the air laughing insanely. "I'm gonna crush your face!" He slammed his microphone into the ground when he landed, making a small sonic boom, causing Matthew to jump back. Scott just smirked. "I'm loving this shit! Your ass is mine! I love the smell of almost-dead gymnast in the morning!"

**Scott – Punk Rock Zombie**

**Influences: **The Misfits, Black Flag

**Hobbies:** Torturing small animals

"Wait a second!" Cried Matthew. "Torturing small animals? What kind of whack job water boards Chip and Dale?"

Scott just laughed and quickly started to run around Matthew. "Welcome to skull-fuck central!"

"You have to keep moving!" Said Gilbert.

Matthew rolled his eyes and quickly started running around, dodging Scott's quick jabs with his microphone. "Not that helpful Gilbert." He quickly jumped out of the way and swiped Scott's back with his chainsaw.

Scott growled and screamed into his microphone. "STUPID COOZE!" The letters suddenly appeared out of thin air and sped towards Matthew, who quickly did a front flip over them.

"Fuck!" Cried Gilbert. "Giant letters! I fucking hate this guy!"

Matthew growled and started hitting Scott harder with his chainsaw, but Scott easily deflected it with his microphone, spitting insults at him all the way. "Bitch! Fucking whore! Slut! Cunt!"

Matthew growled and swung his chainsaw at him again, but Scott was too quick. He swung at Matthew and hit him in the stomach with his microphone knocking him back, but Matthew quickly recovered and punched him in the face.

Scott growled and screamed into his microphone again. "STUPID COOZE!" Matthew jumped over the letters again and kicked Scott right in the nose.

"Matthew, give this guy a new asshole on his forehead!" Snapped Gilbert. "Now finish him!"

Matthew grinned and slammed the chainsaw down, but Scott softened the blow by holding up his microphone. But it didn't help him much when the chainsaw sliced through his body, all the way to his pelvis.

But instead of falling down dead like he should have, Scott just laughed and pulled himself back together. "You think that hurts me? I just jizzed a little!"

"Great…" Said Gilbert sarcastically. "We're dealing with a masochist."

"You don't think I realized that?" Asked Matthew.

Suddenly Scott screamed and several speakers fell from the sky in stacks of one, two and three. Scott laughed hysterically as he jumped onto a stack. "How the fuck can he do that?" Asked Gilbert.

"I have no idea." Said Matthew. He ran towards the speakers and started to smash them. If his gain was to try and kill them by blasting them from up high, he had another thing coming.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a red and orange disk fly hast his head. Was Scott using records as throwing stars? "Look out, Matthew!" Cried Gilbert. Matthew turned in time to see the record flying back at his head.

He quickly ducked and sighed dramatically. "Oh great… They are boomerangs too!"

Scott laughed and threw another record. "I'm gonna crush your fucking face!"

"Shut the fuck up!" Yelled Matthew as he smashed the last speaker. Suddenly a giant subwoofer fell from the sky and Scott jumped right on top of it. "Fuck! Bring it on!"

"Let's fuck up that speaker!" Yelled Gilbert. Matthew nodded and ran up to the speaker and started to cut through it. The subwoofer was a lot harder to cut through than a normal speaker.

"VANILLA SLUT!" Screamed Scott. The red and black letters raced towards the ground right where Matthew was standing. Matthew growled and jumped out of the way just in the nick of time. When the words hit the ground, he went right back to cutting the subwoofer.

"Just a bit more!" Cheered Gilbert. "You're almost halfway through!"

"I am halfway through!" Said Matthew.

Scott yelled in frustration. "Join me on stage for a death jam!" He jumped down and slammed Matthew into the subwoofer with his microphone, before quickly jumping back onto it.

Matthew cried out in pain but quickly shook it off and went back to cutting the subwoofer in half. "Damn, that hurt."

"Are you okay?" Asked Gilbert.

Matthew smiled. "Yeah, a little shook up, but good."

"COCK SUCKER!" Screamed Scott.

Matthew gasped and quickly moved out of the way as the letters slammed into the ground again. "So what?" He snapped. "I get as much as I give." He cut through the last of the subwoofer and started to kick it. The subwoofer crashed to the ground stunning Scott momentarily.

"Get him!" Yelled Gilbert.

"With pleasure!" Said Matthew. He ran over to Scott and sliced his body in half.

"Shit!" Cried Scott as he pulled himself back together. "That one… actually hurt a little, bitch." With that he started to quick dash around Matthew again, going back to his original attack of hitting Matthew with his microphone.

Matthew smirked, he could easily see how Scott was going to attack him and quickly applied some well-placed kicks, punches and whacks with the chainsaw. Even if Scott ran faster it didn't matter at all. He had memorized his attack pattern now.

Scott had obviously seen this too and decided to go for the gusto. He took a deep breath and started to scream in to the microphone, the letters blasting out on a circle around the Punk zombie. "Fucking giant letter bullshit!" Snapped Gilbert.

Matthew didn't care though; he jumped and dodged the flying letters until he was face to face with Scott. Said punk zombie gasped and crossed his arms over his face, still screaming. Matthew quickly slammed his chainsaw against Scott's crossed arms. It wasn't like they were going to protect him much anymore.

"OW!" Screamed Scott. "NOT COOL!" With one powerful push Matthew sliced all the way through Scott's body. "FUCK!" Screamed Scott. "OW! FUCK! OW! I'M NOT DONE SCREAMING YET! THIS REALLY FUCKING HURTS!" Finally his body fell to pieces on the ground.

Matthew rolled his eyes. "Geez, so emo."

Slowly the pieces started to dissolve into a dark blue mist as Scott slowly chanted something in Latin. "Meus Vita, Rege, pro nefarib coepto."

Matthew frowned. "Weird…"

"What's that?" Asked Gilbert. "Latin?"

"I think so…" Muttered Matthew. "But I have no idea what it means… Probably nothing important… I wouldn't stress about it."

"Matthew-kun… you did it." Coughed Kiku as he slowly limped towards the parking lot. He didn't get very far before he collapsed.

Matthew quickly ran to his side. "Sensei!"

Kiku rolled onto his back and groaned. "You managed to purify… one of the Dark Purveyors… Scott was only the weakest of the Dark Purveyors, but the other four are rotting the school… By now they've probably transformed all your fellow students into the undead… The school is probably filled with zombies…" He coughed up some blood and groaned in pain.

"Sensei!" Gasped Matthew.

"Mr Kiku!" Cried Gilbert.

Kiku coughed up some more blood and sighed. "Matthew-kun and Gilbert-kun… I have faith you can stop them… All humans must die as I must now too…" He coughed on more time before his eyes rolled into the back of his head and he stopped breathing.

"Sensei!" Cried Matthew, his eyes filling with tears. "No! Don't leave! Sensei…"

Suddenly Kiku opened his eyes and he quickly sat up. "Oh, I almost forgot!" He quickly handed a box to Matthew and smiled. "Happy birthday, Matthew-kun." With that he collapsed dead with a small smile on his face.

"Kiku…" Whispered Matthew sadly. He closed Kiku's eyes and sighed sadly.

"Should we bury him?" Asked Gilbert.

Matthew shook his head sadly. "No… Sensei wouldn't have wanted that… It's part of the zombie hunter's code; if one falls during a zombie attack, leave the body and bury it when the threat is over... Besides, Sensei's gone to the World Beyond Worlds now… He's in a better place." He stood up and started to walk away.

"Okay…" Muttered Gilbert sadly. He still didn't like the fact that they were leaving Kiku's body out in the open.

**XoXoXo page brake oXoXoX**

After aimlessly walking down the sidewalk for a few minutes Gilbert spoke up. "So… what did Kiku get you?"

Matthew shrugged and opened up the box and grinned. Inside was a special Swiss army knife. "Wow! Papa must have given Sensei a copy of my wish list! It's the Z-army knife!"

"Looks like an ordinary Swiss army knife to me." Said Gilbert.

Matthew chuckled and clipped it to his belt. "Well I guess so, but it's special because it's used to fuse zombie hunter equipment together… Like a gun and a chainsaw or a harpoon and an axe."

"Oh… that makes as much sense as anything in this world." Said Gilbert.

Matthew shrugged. "Well it's not that hard to understand the basic mechanics of it all."

Gilbert nodded. "Okay… I wish I could be more helpful to you…"

"What are you talking about?" Asked Matthew. He unclipped Gilbert's head and put it on a stone wall. "You were a great help. You had my back the whole time… sure you just talked and didn't really help with the fighting… but it's okay."

Gilbert sighed. "Matthew… I'm not sure if I can do this, just being a head…"

"But there's a lot of cool things about being a head." Said Matthew. "First of all I can put you in a bag and sneak you into the movies for free."

Gilbert rolled his eyes. "That hardly makes up for-"

"Carpal tunnel syndrome? You're immune." Said Matthew happily. "You'll never get lung cancer, heart disease, liver cancer, appendicitis, prostate cancer, broken fingers, tape worm or anything like that ever, and it's totally cool!" Matthew grinned. "I'm like the only person in the world with a decapitated head for a boyfriend!"

"I don't want to be a fashion accessory!" Cried Gilbert. "This is my life! I-" Suddenly a few drops of blood fell from the sky and hit Gilbert's face. "Is that rain?"

Matthew frowned and quickly clipped Gilbert back to his shorts. "Oh no…" Up in the sky, among the clouds was a giant Viking long boat. Matthew quickly ran and hid behind a wall until the boat passed.

"I'm guessing a giant, floating Viking ship is not a good thing." Said Gilbert.

"Another Dark Purveyor." Muttered Matthew. As the ship flew away Matthew gasped in shock and jumped up. Right on the back of the ship was a blond that looked a little like Matthew with a rifle strapped to his back. "Oh my gosh! That's my big brother, Alfred!" Cried Matthew. "He's a zombie hunter too!"

"Really?" Asked Gilbert.

Matthew nodded and started to call out. "Hey Alfred!" He called. "Over here!"

Alfred looked down at Matthew and grinned. "HEY! MATTHEW! WHAT'S UP?"

**Alfred F. Jones**

**Age: **20

**Favourite weapon: **L115A3 long range rifle

**Turn-ons: **Guns, bullet wounds in his enemies, patriotic Americans

**Turn offs: **Talking in movie theatres, ghosts, the colour green

"Hey Alfred!" Called Gilbert. "What's up?"

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" Yelled Alfred. "I'LL SEE YOU IN A FEW, BUT RIGHT NOW I'M GONNA KICK SOME ZOMBIE ASS!" He started to climb up the side of the ship before he stopped and turned around, throwing a large box attached to the parachute. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY MATTHEW! DON'T FORGET TO GET ME SOMETHING AWESOME FOR MY BIRTHDAY!"

Matthew chuckled and waved goodbye to Alfred as he watched the gift float to the ground. He walked over to the box and opened it, grinning. "Alfred is so amazing! He got me a gun!"

"How are you going to carry that around?" Asked Gilbert. "You aren't going to attach me to your chainsaw are you?"

Matthew shook his head. "No way. I'm going to use the Z-army knife." He pulled it out and quickly started to work. In a matter of seconds the gun was fused to the chainsaw. "Awesome! Now I can shoot zombies… and Alfred forgot the bullets… You have got to be kidding me!

**TBC**

**Shinigami-cat: **So, I know that the gifts aren't like the ones in the game, but it's just different so that it fits better with the story.


	5. Gym

**Shinigami-cat: **Hey everyone! I hope you like this chapter! I OWN NOTHING!

**Gym**

Matthew hummed a little to himself as he sat on the wall, taking a quick break from zombie slaying to take in everything that had just happened; Vlad caused a zombie uprising and summoned five boss zombies, Kiku had died, his brother was climbing up the side of a giant floating Viking ship, his boyfriend was now a severed head and it was his birthday. Yay!

"Still can't believe that your brother forgot the bullets." Said Gilbert.

Matthew shrugged. "He probably has a lot on his mind… I know I do…"

"He has a lot on his mind?" Asked Gilbert in disbelief. "Excuse me, but is he a head? I just want my body back!"

Matthew sighed and unclipped Gilbert, holding him up so that they were face to face. "I'm sorry Gil, you know I am. I'll fix this up as soon as I can! I'll make sure you have your whole body back in no time. You just need to wait a little longer."

"How much longer?" Growled Gilbert. "How much longer am I going to be a damn head? I want my body back!"

"It's no big deal." Said Matthew. "We could make this work you know."

"How the hell could we make this work?" Snapped Gilbert. "I mean we could still talk and stuff… but what about… you know…."

Matthew blushed a little. "Well… I'm sure we could think of something… It's not like we couldn't figure something out if we really tried… We should probably talk about something else… Like how to stop that Dark Purveyor."

Gilbert nodded. "Yeah… How the fuck are we going to get up into a giant floating Viking ship?"

Matthew shrugged. "Well it's heading towards the gym… so we should head that way… if we find some rope we could attach it to the ship if it flies over the roof."

Gilbert sighed a little. "Maybe you should leave this to your brother… I mean he's been a zombie hunter longer than you right? Just let him handle this."

"You… you don't think I can do this?" Asked Matthew in a small voice, his lip quivering a little, tears were building up in his eyes a little. "I… I'm doing my best… I thought… I-I thought you believed in me… You always said that you would believe in me when on one else would…"

Gilbert sighed. "Birdie… Please don't cry… I do believe in you… I just don't want you to get bitten and turned into a zombie. I mean you aren't exactly wearing the most protective of clothing."

Matthew frowned and looked down at his clothes before bursting into laughter. "You think this is bad? Remember when I told you that I went on a family vacation to France when I was in elementary school?"

Gilbert nodded. "Ja. You said that you ended up with a burn on your back because your dad's cooking exploded."

"That was a partial lie." Said Matthew simply. "You see my dad's cooking did explode, but it was to blow up a group of zombies that had decided to rise up in a small country town… The explosion destroyed the clothes we packed and my clothes were already ripped to shreds so I ended up running around the French countryside in my boxers for three days. Still didn't get bitten."

Gilbert's eyes went wide with shock. "You… running around… in nothing… but your boxers… for three days… Were you… were you a zombie hunter at the time?"

Matthew nodded. "Yep! I had to take a quick dip in the river before I could get dressed again. Papa said I looked like the undead."

Gilbert frowned. "Maybe you should get out of the whole… zombie hunter thing. It's dangerous."

"Eh? But I love zombie hunting." Said Matthew seriously. "Zombie hunting is the best thing in the world, and it's not like I can't get a regular job. Alfred has a normal job and so do my dad and papa."

"What do they do?" Asked Gilbert sceptically.

"Alfred's the manager of a shooting gallery." Said Matthew with a smile. "My dad works at a bank and my papa works as a cook in a café."

Gilbert rolled his eyes. "Okay I could have guessed the shooting gallery, but a banker and a cook?"

Matthew shrugged. "They chose to do things that they wanted… I wouldn't mind owning a sporting goods store. I think it would be nice to-" Suddenly Matthew stood up, tuned around and punched a zombie in the face, smashing through its skull. All while holding Gilbert's head in one arm.

"Fucking hell!" Cried Gilbert. "Warn me when you're going to do that!"

"Sorry." Said Matthew as he quickly clipped Gilbert back to his shorts and started up his chainsaw again. There were about seven zombies staggering towards them. "Damn jocks and cheerleaders." He growled. "Have I ever told you how much I hate cheerleaders and jocks?"

He dashed forwards and sliced right through jock, starting from his balls. A cheerleader got cut in half vertically. A silicon chest implant flew through the air and slid across the ground.

"I knew that bitch had implants!" Snapped Gilbert.

Matthew chuckled and cut off a zombies head. Suddenly four gun shots went off killing the remaining zombies. Matthew and Gilbert quickly looked around. "Where the hell did that come from?"

"Up there!" Said Gilbert. "Alfred's on the roof!"

Matthew quickly scanned the surrounding roofs and grinned when he saw Alfred. "Hey bro!"

"YOU NEED TO SPEAK UP!" Yelled Alfred. "MEET ME IN THE GYM! I'LL COVER YOU! IT'LL BE GOOD TO CATCH UP! IT'S BEEN LIKE WHAT? A WEEK SINCE WE LAST SPOKE?"

"SHUT UP!" Yelled Matthew. "ZOMBIE TRAINING 101; ZOMBIES ARE ATTRACTED TO LOUD NOISES!"

"… OH YEAH!" Laughed Alfred. "I FORGOT ABOUT THAT ONE! WHAT WOULD I DO WITH OUT YOU? OKAY! SEE YOU OVER THERE!"

Matthew rolled his eyes. "Alfred is such a loud mouth."

"Zombies!" Cried Gilbert. "Many, many zombies!"

Matthew turned his head and frowned. There were about thirty zombie nerds, jocks, geeky Asians and campus security heading towards them. "Stupid undead hosers!"

The next thing that happened could be described as a macabre, yet elegant shower of blood, gore, festering limbs and violence. A quick flick of the wrist, a sharp turn of the hip and a forceful push with his chainsaw obliterated the zombies in no time at all.

As Matthew calmly walked over their bodies Gilbert gulped. "You… you're way too good at this sort of thing…"

Matthew chuckled. "It's sweet of you to say Gil, but I'm not that great at this. There are four subtitles to that go along with the title of Zombie Hunter; there's Zombie Hunter noob, Zombie Hunter apprentice, Zombie Hunter pro and Zombie Hunter veteran. I'm a Zombie Hunter apprentice. Alfred is still an apprentice and my dad and papa are pros."

"Makes sense I guess." Muttered Gilbert.

Matthew nodded. "Yeah… Crap not another one!" He quickly lunged forwards and slammed his chainsaw into a zombie's skull.

**XoXoXo page brake oXoXoX**

After killing about a hundred or so zombies they had almost made it to the gym. "I can't believe it isn't even midday yet." Complained Matthew.

"I can't believe I'm a fucking severed head." Muttered Gilbert. "Let me rephrase that… I can't believe I'm a severed head that's getting carried around by their zombie hunter boyfriend while there's a zombie apocalypse going on at the school. But it's happening!"

Matthew rolled his eyes. "So dramatic…"

Suddenly thunder echoed through the air and the Viking ship appeared again. Before Matthew or Gilbert could even react something like a small missile flew into the air and hit the stern of the ship, making it nosedive into the gym.

"… Ouch." Said Matthew. "I bet Alfred had something to do with that… He always carries at least one missile with him."

Gilbert rolled his eyes. "Really? You don't say."

Matthew chuckled and walked into the gym. There were a few zombies around, but they were easily killed off. He walked into the basketball court where the Viking ship had crashed. Alfred was already there.

As soon as he spotted Matthew he walked over to him with a wide grin, but suddenly froze and aimed his rifle at Gilbert and whispered. "Matthew, there's something on you."

Matthew rolled his eyes. "No Alfred, that's my boyfriend, Gilbert."

"How's it hanging?" Asked Gilbert.

Alfred grinned and poked Gilbert's cheek with the barrel of his gun. "Hey… he's pretty cute. The whole no body thing is really cool! I wouldn't have to worry about gaining any weight. Food would just fall out of my neck!"

Matthew gasped. "Oh my gosh! Then I wouldn't have to worry about not being able to pull off those triple backflips! I'd be light enough to do it! Heck I'd be light enough to do anything if I weighed as much as a head!"

"I don't want chewed food falling out of my neck." Growled Gilbert. "That's gross!"

Matthew sighed and rolled his eyes. "Yeah anyway, you forgot the bullets."

Alfred frowned. "No I didn't! I totally put the bullets into your gift! I'm not that thick. You would definitely need a gun to take down those freaks!"

Matthew held up his chainsaw to Alfred. "Where are the bullets Alfred? Where the maple are the bullets? I've had to punch, kick and cut my way through the zombies!"

Alfred shrugged and pulled some ammo out of his bag. "Okay so I forgot the bullets… just take this, you'll be fine."

Suddenly the sound of drums and cymbals echoed through the court as the ship slowly started to rise out of the wreckage. Alfred and Matthew cursed and shared a look, nodding.

Alfred quickly ran to the other side of the room while Matthew sprinted to the other end. "Matthew!" Called Alfred. "Execute maneuver 54V!"

"Right!" Said Matthew as he suddenly turned and ran towards Alfred. When he got close enough he jumped onto Alfred's cupped hands and Alfred launched him up into the air.

"HOLY SHIT!" Screamed Gilbert. "WHAT THE FUCK? AHHHHHHH!"

As Matthew and Gilbert hurtled towards the Viking ship Alfred grinned and waved at them. "Good luck Matthew! And you… boyfriend whose name I can't remember!"

**TBC**

**Shinigami-cat: **That's that, see you all next chapter, please review!


	6. Viking Smack Down

**Shinigami-cat: **Well… here's the next chapter… I OWN NOTHING!

**Viking Smack Down**

With great poise and elegance Matthew landed on the Viking ship with ease. He gritted his teeth as he glared at the Dark Purveyor sitting at the back of the ship behind his huge drum set. "If it isn't the pirates of the Jerk-off-ian." Growled Matthew.

The Dark Purveyor simply laughed from his seat. His hair was spiked to the side and he had an insane grin on his face. He was wearing a pair of tight skinny geans and had a bear skin draped around his body. "You go a lot of gall setting foot on my ship, stelpa."

Matthew just glared at him. He was in no way unnerved by his harsh tone. "Go to hell."

The Dark Purveyor just smirked and started to beat loudly on his drums, sending flashes of lightning all around the ship. "All right boys!" He yelled. He looked at his bear skin and grinned sadistically. "Yumil, let's cut this bitch into bite-sized chum!" The head of the bear roared in agreement. "I'm gonna use his face to make a hat! And use his spine as a backscratcher!" With that he jumped from his seat at his drum set and landed right in front of Matthew, carrying a large battle axe. "Let's show him the Viking way!"

**Mathias – Viking Metal Zombie**

**Influences: **Bathory, enslaved, necrophilia

**Hobbies: **Disembowelling, drinking blood, balancing a ball on his nose.

Matthew grinned and quickly swung his chainsaw at Mathias, barely grazing his stomach. Mathias just laughed and slammed his chainsaw into the ground, sending small sparks of electricity through the ship.

"Electric powered axe?" Cried Matthew. "Not cool!" While Mathias struggled to pick up his heavy axe again Matthew quickly took advantage of this opportunity and hit Mathias several times before he started swinging his axe around at him again.

Matthew quickly flipped and ducked out of the way before Mathias quickly slammed his axe into the ship again making electricity course through the whole ship and Matthew.

"AHHHHH!" Screamed Matthew as several volts coursed through his veins.

"Matthew!" Cried Gilbert. "You okay Birdie?"

Matthew nodded his hair slightly more frizzy than usual. "Yeah, I'm good." He quickly ducked at Mathias swung at him again. Matthew quickly jabbed him repeatedly with his chainsaw when suddenly Mathias grabbed him and threw his across the ship.

"Shoot that bastard!" Cried Gilbert.

"Right!" Said Matthew. He quickly switched his chainsaw to gun mode and started to shoot at Mathias. When Mathias stumbled backwards Matthew quickly dashed forwards and slammed his chainsaw into his side, cutting through his body as easily as a rusted knife cuts through wood.

Mathias's body fell apart and he hit the floor. "You got a lot of gall, little boy." He growled. His torso hovered in the air while his legs stood tall and proud.

Gilbert gulped. "We are fucked."

Mathias laughed as he raised his axe and brought it down. Matthew only just managed to dodge the axe and the legs that were running towards him kicking. "Don't tell me that's it?" He taunted.

Matthew growled and quickly shot at the legs. Quite honestly, they were more annoying than anything. "Keep an eye on Mathias, Gil."

"Got it." Said Gilbert. After a few more shots Mathias's legs were riddled with bullet holes and lay dead and unmoving on the deck of the ship. "WATCH OUT!" Cried Gilbert.

Matthew gasped and quickly jumped out of the way when Mathias slammed his axe back into the deck. As Mathias struggled to lift the axe up Matthew quickly ran forwards and started to slice and dice the remaining part of the zombie Viking's body.

Suddenly Mathias moved back and roared, his mutilated legs springing back to life and flying towards Matthew and Gilbert. "WATCH OUT!" Cried Gilbert.

Matthew only just managed to jump out of the way as the legs hit the floor. Matthew quickly made short work of them, cutting them into pieces this time, before quickly turning back to attack Mathias. But Mathias wasn't standing on the deck anymore. He was sitting back behind his drums, beating out waves of electricity.

"Shoot him down!" Cried Gilbert.

"With pleasure." Purred Matthew. He started to shoot at the drum set while jumping over waves of electric pulses.

"That freak is so loud and obnoxious!" Whined Gilbert.

After a few more shots Mathias jumped down from his drum set, back onto the deck. Matthew quickly made his move and dasher towards his and cut off the zombie's head. Mathias let out a cry as his head flew over the side of the ship.

Gilbert grinned triumphantly. "Awesome! He wasn't so tough."

"I don't know…" Muttered Matthew. "Something doesn't feel right… It seemed a little too easy…"

"Just be happy you killed him." Said Gilbert. "Now let's find a way to land this and-"

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Laughed Mathias as he head, now the size of small tank hovered above the ship. "I FEEL THE POWER OF THE GODS IN ME BLOOD!" He opened his mouth and inhaled his torso and legs, crunching down on them making blood splatter everywhere.

"Told you so." Said Matthew as he took aim at Mathias head.

"So I was wrong!" Cried Gilbert. "Give me a break, I've never fought zombies before!"

"That's fine." Said Matthew as he started shooting at the giant head.

Mathias growled and slammed his head down onto the deck, slipping and sliding around as it bounced off the sides of the ship. Matthew had to quickly dodged the head and when it came to a stop he ran up to it and hacked away at it with his chainsaw.

Mathias growled and quickly started to hover again, opening his mouth as he started to charge an electric lazar.

Matthew rolled his eyes. "Are you freaking kidding me? Oh shit!" He quickly leaped out of the way as a devastating electric beam shot out of Mathias's mouth and along the deck.

When Matthew's guard was down Mathias quickly slammed his head against the ground again and started to slide, hitting Matthew and almost knocking him off the ship.

"You okay Matthew?" Asked Gilbert.

"I'm fine." Said Matthew. "But I'll be better when this guy's dead!" When Mathias stopped sliding across the ground Matthew ran up to him and started to viciously attack him with his chainsaw.

"FINISH HIM!" Yelled Gilbert. Matthew smirked and sliced into Mathias's cheek, slicing through his head, severing his lower jaw from his upper jaw.

"NO!" Cried Mathias. "Impossible! I can't be beaten by a little boy! I'm a warrior!"

Matthew rolled his eyes. "Oh shut up." Suddenly the head from Mathias's bear skin jumped out of his lower jaw and charged at Matthew, jaws open, ready to strike. Matthew didn't even flinch. He just rolled his eyes and hammer kicked that bitch into submission.

As Mathias started to dissolve into an odd bluish-purple mist he said a chant in Latin. "Meus Vita, Rege, pro nefario coepto!"

"Again with the Latin." Said Gilbert. "What's up with that?"

Matthew shrugged. "I don't know, but-"The ship suddenly lurched to the side and started to nose dive. Apparently without Mathias the ship wouldn't fly.

Gilbert sighed. "This bites my non-existent balls!" In an attempt to stop them from falling to their deaths Matthew slammed his chainsaw into the deck of the ship as everything went vertical. "LOOK OUT!" Cried Gilbert.

Matthew looked up in time to see a barrel heading straight for him.

**XoXoXo page brake oXoXoX**

Matthew groaned and slowly sat up, taking a quick look at his surroundings; the Viking ship was burning a safe distance away from him, there were broken cars and twisted metal all around him, like you would find in a junk yard and there was a cow in a paddock mooing next to the junk yard.

He slowly got up and shook the dust out of his hair. "Looks like we're at some sort of farm… I bet any second now another one of those stupid Dark Purveyors is going to show up. What do you think Gilbert?" When he didn't get a reply he looked down and gasped. Gilbert was gone. Matthew started to panic as he frantically looked around. "Gilbert? Gilbert? Where are you?"

"Over here Matthew." Called Gilbert in a whisper like voice.

Matthew turned around and cried out in fear. "No!" He cried. "I saved you!"

Gilbert just smiled his rotted face cracking slightly as he stumbled forwards; rotted clothes wrapped around dead flesh, eyes sunken in and completion a sickly green colour. "I was feeling so unawesome, just being a head and all… I thought it would be better to go the whole hog. You know, get undead, the whole deal."

"No!" Cried Matthew as Gilbert knocked him to the ground. "How can this be happening?" As Matthew screamed in terror his vision became warped and distorted as other voices began to mix in his head.

"WATCH OUT! WATCH OUT! I CAN'T STOP IT!" Screamed a shrill Australian voice.

"MOVE IT MATTEW!" Cried Gilbert.

Matthew shook his head and looked up just in time to see a school bus speeding towards him. He quickly did a one handed cartwheel out of the way as the buss started to drive in circles around them.

"What the hell Steve?" Yelled Matthew.

"Who?"

Matthew sighed. "Steve. My little cousin."

"Let me guess, he's a fucking zombie hunter too." Muttered Gilbert.

Steve just laughed and poked his head out the window waving. "Hey Matthew I came to save you! But something's wrong with this bus! It's really irritating!" Somehow Steve seemed to be able to talk faster than a kid with ADHD on sugar. "Hey is that a new fanny pack? Wait that's your boyfriend! He's a decapitated head? Fuck me! That's the coolest thing ever!"

**Steve Brown**

**Age: **16

**Favourite weapon: **Something really destructive

**Hobbies: **Scrapbooking, terrorizing pedestrians, collecting yeti skulls

**Secret dream: **To meet Justin Bieber… and add his skull to his collection

"Uh… hi Steve…" Called Gilbert.

Steve screamed as the bus swerved. "Shit! This bus is fucked up!"

Matthew chuckled. "Steve, this is Gilbert."

"Wow, it's so cool!" Cried Steve. "What does the bottom of it look like? Can you see the spine sticking out? Yuck! Awesome! It makes me want to throw up!"

"Nice to meet you too!" Snapped Gilbert.

Steve screamed. "It talks! It scares me and I love it!"

Gilbert looked up at Matthew. "Your family's kind of energetic huh?"

Matthew nodded and picked up his chainsaw. He frowned and sniffed the air. "Do you smell that? Something fishy is going on…"

Gilbert rolled his eyes. "Nope this is totally normal."

"SHIT!" Screamed Steve as the bus lurched and started to speed towards Matthew and Gilbert. "THE BRAKES AREN'T WORKING! NO! DON'T WORRY! I GOT THIS! FUCK!"

The bus was moving too fast for Matthew to move out of the way, so he did the next best thing. He ran towards the bus and jumped. He did a quick back flip over the bus and landed on the other side. "That was close." Said Gilbert.

Matthew nodded. "Yeah…"

As Steve started to speed up the road he stuck his head out of the bus and smirked. "Fuck balls! I almost forgot!" He grabbed a box and threw it at Matthew. "Happy birthday cousin!"

Matthew frowned as he caught the present. "This… this doesn't seem right…"

"I guess we should follow that bus, huh?" Asked Gilbert.

Matthew nodded. "Yeah… But first!" He quickly opened Steve's gift and grinned. "Awesome! Steve and Alfred must have been working together in this one! Steve got me more ammo for my gun!"

Gilbert rolled his eyes. "So Steve had the bullets but Alfred had the gun? Your family is so fucking organized."

**TBC**

**Shinigami-cat: **Please review!


	7. Runaway Bus

**Shinigami-cat: **Hey everyone! I've realized that there hasn't been enough combat in here. Well that's what I think anyway, so it's bloodier in the one. Here's the next chapter… I OWN NOTHING!

**Runaway Bus**

Matthew and Gilbert quickly decided to head along the road and try to find the bus that Steve and driven off in. How hard could it be to find the school bus? "This place seems a little run down, don't you think?" Asked Gilbert.

"I guess…" Muttered Matthew. "Just keep an eye out for zombies okay?"

"You mean like the three zombies running towards us with farming equipment?" Asked Gilbert nervously.

Matthew quickly spun around and kicked a zombie farmer in the jaw. "I see you're getting the hang of this now Gil." A few swift kicks, a couple of well-placed swings with the chainsaw and a well-placed punch the zombies were out for the count.

"Glad I could be of some help…" Muttered Gilbert.

They continued down the road, occasionally cutting down any zombies that they saw when eventually they came to a hill. What they saw made them gulp.

From where they were standing they could see Steve driving the bus around and around in circles again… But this time there were zombies hanging off the sides and the roof. "SHIT! I CAN'T GET IT TO STOP!" Screamed Steve. "I LOVE IT! HA! HA! HAAAA! FUCKING ZOMBIES!"

"They are attacking Steve's bus!" Cried Matthew in shock. He quickly started to shoot them off. In a matter of seconds the zombies were off and smashed into the ground when Steve drove over them.

"At least he's safe." Said Matthew as he quickly ran down to the bus, hopefully he could shoot out the tires or something.

Suddenly the bus swerved and crashed through a gate. "SHIT NO!" Screamed Steve. "THIS IS SO FUCKING SCARY, BUT FUN! I LOVE IT!" A few moments later the bus crashed into a tree.

Matthew face palmed. "He should not be allowed to drive…" He started to jog over to the bus.

Gilbert groaned slightly. "Hey Birdie? I've always appreciated your rock hard ass, but it's kind of hurting the back of my skull…"

"Deal with it." Growled Matthew.

"I hope your cousin isn't dead." Muttered Gilbert.

"Me too." Muttered Matthew. Eventually they made it to Steve's bus. He was still ramming it into a tree, trying to shake off the four zombies that had attached themselves to it.

"This is fucking fantastic." Muttered Gilbert sarcastically. Matthew growled and quickly ran forwards, decapitating the undead bastards. Suddenly the sound of groaning made Matthew and Gilbert look up. "Fantastic." Said Gilbert. "I was just thinking that we needed some flying zombies."

"Why the hell would you think that?" Asked Matthew as he started to shoot them down. Suddenly the bus swerved and knocked down the tree and crashed back onto the road and drove off. "… WHAT THE FUCK STEVE?" Yelled Matthew. "GET YOU ASS BACK HERE NOW! YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE!"

"Damn you're mad!" Cried Gilbert.

"Damn straight I am!" Snapped Matthew. He quickly ran after the bus. It eventually came to a stop. Matthew climbed onto the roof and growled. "Steve! Get out of that bus right now! Don't make me tell dad or papa about this!"

Suddenly the bus started up and quickly sped away, making Matthew fall off. "What the hell is wrong with your cousin?" Asked Gilbert.

"Probably his fucked up sense of humour." Muttered Matthew as he started to run after the bus again. Suddenly the whispering sounds of singing filled his ears and made Matthew stop in his tracks.

"What the hell was that?" Asked Gilbert.

"I… I don't know." Muttered Matthew. "But something fishy is going on here… Holy hell! Have a look at the size of the mushroom!" A few feet away from them was a giant purple mushroom. Cautiously Matthew approached it.

"You think it's safe?" Asked Gilbert.

"I don't know…" Muttered Matthew. He poked it, but as soon as he touched it an explosion of spores erupted out of it and covered Matthew and Gilbert.

**XoXoXo page brake oXoXoX**

Matthew groaned as he slowly stood up and looked around; everything was all black and white, there were buildings on either side of them and two giant floating hands were above them. "Where are we?"

"I'm dizzy Matthew…" Muttered Gilbert. "I feel sick…" Suddenly the floating hands put a huge egg on the ground. "Oh great, a giant chicken egg. How could this possibly go wrong I wonder?" A giant black demonic chicken sprang out of the egg. "I guess that's what could go wrong." Said Gilbert.

Matthew rolled his eyes and quickly ran over to the chicken and sliced through it like it was butter. When it was dead Matthew grinned and quickly looked around. Steve's bus was a quick jog away. He grinned and ran over to the bus, quickly jumping inside.

"Steve? Are you alright?" He called. The bus was empty. Suddenly something grabbed him and threw him into a seat, the sound of laughter ringing in his ears.

"This trip ain't over yet child." Purred a spaced out voice.

**XoXoXo page brake oXoXoX**

Matthew gasped as his eyes snapped open; he was sitting on top of a combine harvester. "What the hell?" He muttered.

"What just happened?" Asked Gilbert.

"I… I don't know…" Said Matthew honestly as he climbed out of the harvester. "But I do know that whatever happened was weird…"

"I think we got high of shrooms…"

After walking for a while they stopped at a small cliff and saw Steve's bus driving down the road below them. Matthew quickly jumped onto the bus's roof. "Steve! Stop this bus right now!"

The bus swerved and Matthew went flying through the air, smashing into another weird giant purple mushroom, getting covered it the spores again.

**XoXoXo page brake oXoXoX**

Once again Matthew and Gilbert were thrown into a black and white world. This time though there were no giant floating hands, just Steve's bus and three of those demonic chickens standing in front of it.

"Fan-fucking-tastic." Growled Gilbert. "Mental note, stay the fuck away from the mushrooms."

"Agreed." Said Matthew. He dashed forwards and quickly chopped off the chickens heads with a small degree of difficulty. "That wasn't so hard." Suddenly the ground shook, the bus shattered and a giant three headed chicken mechanic monster appeared out of the wreckage and started to shoot eggs out of its mouth. Matthew smirked. "I don't know about you Gil, but's I'm in the mood for fried chicken tonight."

"I never want to eat chicken again for as long as I live!" Cried Gilbert.

"Oh, don't be like that." Cooed Matthew as a chicken head slammed into the ground in an attempt to peck him. Matthew quickly slammed his chainsaw into the chicken head. "I can't believe that wasn't even the right bus!"

"That's what you're worried about?" Asked Gilbert. "The fucking bus?" Matthew chuckled and quickly disposed of the last two heads.

**XoXoXo page brake oXoXoX**

Matthew opened his eyes and growled. Once again he was sitting on top of a combine harvester. "What the hell?"

"I have no fucking clue." Said Gilbert.

Matthew sighed and jumped off the harvester again, making his way through the farm buildings, when he suddenly caught sight of the bus again. "Steve!" He called. As soon as he spoke the bus started to speed up.

"What's wrong with your cousin?" Asked Gilbert.

Matthew sighed and shook his head. "I have no idea…" After a while Matthew jumped over a fence and ended up in the middle of a hoard of zombies. "Oh crap…"

"We are fucked!" Cried Gilbert.

Matthew quickly looked around and grinned, for some reason or another there was a freaking pole in the middle of the hoard, just sticking up out of the ground. He quickly ran over to it and with enough momentum he ended up hooking his legs around the pole and spun around in circle, chopping up any zombie that came close. The hoard was quickly dealt with.

"And that's that." Said Matthew cheerfully.

"… YOU CAN POLE DANCE AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?" Cried Gilbert in shock. "WHY WOULD YOU NOT TELL ME OF ALL PEOPLE THAT?"

Matthew blushed. "Um… you never asked?"

Suddenly the bus came screeching towards them and stopped just in front of them. Steve grinned at them. "Hurry Matthew! Get it! We don't have time to argue! This is an emergency! Zombies! Zombies everywhere!"

Matthew sighed and stepped onto the bus. "You okay Steve? I was really worried about you."

"Yeah I guess." Said Steve. He started the bus and started to drive down the road. "This stupid bus was fucked up but I fix it."

"Hey Steve." Said Gilbert. "Nice to meet you up close." Steve nodded and started to hum to himself. Keeping his eyes on the road.

Something about this just didn't sit right with Matthew. He frowned and crossed his arms. "How did you fix the bus, Steve? Just last week you had to take your car to the shop because you didn't know that cars needed oil. How could you know how to…?" Slowly Steve's humming started to turn into dark chuckling.

"Um, where are we going, Steve?" Asked Gilbert nervously.

Matthew frowned and put his hand on Steve's shoulder. "Steve… hey where are we-?" His words were cut short when Steve hit a speed hump, sending Matthew crashing to the ground. He groaned and looked up at the rear view mirror. In the mirror Steve's reflection was green and covered with stitches. He was a zombie. Matthew growled and quickly stood up. "Who are you and what have you done to Steve?"

"And while we're at it, where are we going?" Asked Gilbert.

The zombie Steve started laughing insanely in a voice that wasn't Steve's. It was older and sounded spaced out. It sounded just like that weird voice that was singing before. "We're heading towards… your grave!"

Gilbert sighed dramatically. "Well, we're fucked."

**TBC**

**Shinigami-cat: **Damn that took a while… Please review!


	8. Psychedelic shoot up

**Shinigami-cat: **Okay here's the next chapter… I OWN NOTHING!

**Psychedelic shoot up**

Zombie Steve quickly turned the wheel causing the bus to flip, time seemed to stand still as everything melted together and morphed into something weird and bazar; several school busses were moulded around to make a ring, the sky was an odd rainbow tie-dye pattern and Matthew and Gilbert were standing on the busses while a Dark Purveyor hovered in a bubble above them all.

"Who the hell are you?" Snapped Matthew.

A man with gravity defying hair, wearing hippy clothes and a blue and white stripped scarf, playing a guitar chuckled as he sat cross legged in his bubble. "Ah, brother Matthew and brother Gilbert… Let's travel to the land beyond the doors of perception, step outside the boundaries of your mind, lose yourself in the eternal collective unconscious… and rot."

Matthew growled and pointed his chainsaw at the zombie's face. "Listen, man, why don't you try using some deodorant? Because honestly, you smell like shit!"

The zombie looked up and chuckled. "This one was just as insolent…"

Following the zombie's gaze Matthew could see Steve curled up, chuckling darkly inside a floating bubble. "Steve…"

The zombie chuckled again and started to play his guitar. "Now open your heart, and let my music guide you… into the world of everlasting peace… and rot… and Hell…"

**Lars – Psychedelic Zombie**

**Influences: **Jefferson Airplane, Aldous Huxley, bad fashion sense

**Hobbies: **Playing the guitar, smoking weed

Matthew growled and started to shoot at Lars. There was no other way to get him down. But Lars just chuckled and waved his arms in the air, making giant bubbles fly towards him. Matthew easily dodged them. "That's the best you got?" He laughed.

"Should we really be intimidating him?" Asked Gilbert. "He is trying to kill us you know."

"I know." Said Matthew as he quickly jumped out of the way. With a few more shots he knocked Lars out of his bubble, onto the busses. Matthew grinned and ran over to him quickly slicing through Lars vertically through his body.

Lars's halves just hovered there for a moment and growled. "One truth becomes two!" From the broken halves another body sprang out making two Lars zombies. But he wasn't done yet. He chuckled and the two Lars's ripped themselves in half. "Two truths become four!" There were now four Lars zombies hovering in bubbles.

"We are fucked." Said Gilbert. "We are so fucked. Did I mention we are fucked? Why are there four of them? Is this for real? Fuck!"

Matthew gulped and started to run, aiming his gun at the zombies. "You know… for a severed head you do talk a lot."

He quickly shot down three of the four zombies, when suddenly two combine harvesters driven by Lars zombie clones appeared and started to drive towards him.

"We are fucked." Said Gilbert again. Matthew chuckled and quickly shot those zombies down, killing them and making the combine harvesters vanish into thin air. "I'm not even going to ask anymore…"

Suddenly a freaky chicken head machine appeared and started to slam its head into the busses, trying to hit Matthew. Matthew growled in frustration and started to shoot at it while he ran backwards. "This is so irritating! Everything is so freaking random!"

Suddenly the combine harvesters reappeared making Matthew's life even more difficult. He wasn't even sure what he was shooting at anymore. All the while Lars just laughed and laughed.

"This guy's personality is pissing me off!" Snapped Gilbert. "Shoot that fucking hippie!"

Suddenly Matthew got caught in a bubble and gasped for air. The bubble was suffocating him. He quickly swung his chainsaw and cut his way out, gasping for air. "S-stay away from the bubbles." He gasped. He quickly jumped out of the way as the chicken head slammed into the ground again.

He quickly shot down two of the Lars zombie doubles and jumped out of the way when a harvester almost ran him over. After a few more shots he killed off the last zombie double and shot down Lars again. He quickly dashed over to him and cut him in half.

Lars just glared at him. "One truth becomes two." He growled as he become two zombies and chuckled darkly. "Two truths become four!" He ripped himself in half. The four zombies looked at each other and laughed, ripping themselves in half again creating eight zombies. "Seek the truth before your eyes!"

Gilbert sighed. "Well we are so fu-"

"Please don't say it." Whined Matthew.

"We are fucked." Said Gilbert. As Matthew started to shoot at them again a giant had shot up and the tie-dye sky changed into hundreds of eyes. "… Can I go home now?" Asked Gilbert.

The hand slammed down almost squashing Matthew and started to scuttle after him on its fingertips. Matthew gulped and started to run away from it as fast as he could. After a few seconds the hand vanished and Matthew went right back to shooting down the zombies. He managed to obliterate three.

Suddenly firework-like rockets started to fill the sky and randomly hit the bus. Matthew quickly ducked and dived as they hit the bus. As soon as the rockets were gone, pink butterflies filled the air and started to attack Matthew's arms and legs with bites.

"Why do they have teeth?" Cried Matthew as he swatted them away.

"I don't know!" Cried Gilbert as he attempted to move them away from his face. "NOT THE FACE! NOT THE FACE! NOT THE FACE!"

In the blink of an eye the butterflies were gone and the giant hand was back. Matthew gulped and quickly dashed away from it and started to shoot the floating zombies. He killed three more and after he ducked out of the way of a rocket he shot down the last two.

He grinned as he ran over to Lars and sliced that dope smoking pot head in half, vertically this time. Blood squirted out of Lars's would as he gasped in shock. Matthew grinned and jumped up as high as he could go, shattering the tie-dye sky into thousands of pieces and turning the rest of that world into dust. As it turns out Lars was actually sitting in a tree.

Matthew smirked as he hurtled towards Lars, chainsaw ready to obliterate. "Choke on your Birkenstocks, you psilocybin-munching moron!"

"Heavy…" Muttered Lars, a smile on his face. "Peace out… Way out…"

"See ya." Smirked Matthew as he sliced of his head, landing several feet away from the tree and Lars.

Lars's body dissolved into a purple blue mist that got sucked into the sky. "Meus Vita, Rege, pro nefarib coepto."

When he was gone Matthew and Gilbert had a look at their surroundings; The Viking ship was burning a safe distance away from them, there were broken cars and twisted metal all around them, it looked like a junk yard and there was a cow in a paddock mooing next to the junk yard.

Gilbert's jaw dropped. "We've been here this whole time?"

"I guess…" Muttered Matthew. He looked up at the sun and frowned, the sun was starting to set. "But Steve is not here… Where is he?"

Suddenly Matthew's phone went off. He frowned and answered his phone. "Hello?"

The voice that answered was female and sounded like it was badly auto tuned. "Hey there Matthew, are you ready to boogie-woogie?"

Matthew quirked an eyebrow. "Who is this?"

"The one you ain't gonna level up on." Said the auto tuned voice.

Matthew frowned. "Why are you pretending to be Stephen Hawking?"

The woman on the other end of the phone laughed. "I've got the freaky little super freak right here!" Matthew could hear Steve screaming about zombie pedo's in the background. "If you want your cousin back, sweetie, you need to win a game with me. Make your way to the Fulci Fun Centre. I can't wait to party with your corpse like it's 1983!"

Matthew growled darkly. He hated when his family was used against him. Gilbert had heard the majority of the conversation and sighed. "It's a trap Matthew. You can't just rush in there alone."

Matthew put his phone away and frowned. "We don't have a choice, Gil. Who's gonna help us? Knowing Alfred he's still running around shooting zombies around the gym!"

Suddenly two men on a Harley Davidson, with side car, drove towards them and stopped just in front of them. The driver of the bike had shoulder length blond hair and wore a leather jacket and combat boots.

"Hello Matthew." He cooed affectionately.

Matthew grinned. "Papa!"

**Francis Bonnefoy**

**Age: **41

**Favourite weapon: **His own fists

**Favourite food: **Any French pastries

**Skills: **Bone breaking, life taking

**Unknown fact: **Cries anytime a dog dies on TV

"Bloody hell!" Snapped the other blond that happened to be sitting behind Francis. His hair was shorter and he had the mother of all eyebrows. He was wearing what looked like a clean, green suit. "We only have one son and that's Alfred!"

"Matthew is our other son!" Snapped Francis.

"… Oh yeah… Sorry lad."

Matthew shook his head. "It's fine dad."

**Arthur Kirkland**

**Age: **40

**Favourite food: **The scones he makes

**Favourite weapon: **Spell casting

**Secret skill: **Can make ropes from plastic bags

Gilbert gulped. "Um… hey sirs…"

**TBC**

**Shinigami-cat: **Steve's still missing! Gilbert's met Matthew's parents! Wonder what's going to happen next… Please review!


	9. Fulci Fun Centre

**Shinigami-cat: **Hey everyone get ready for some more WFT moments… I OWN NOTHING!

**Fulci Fun Centre**

It was around seven thirty by the time they were driving down the main road to the Fulci Fun Centre. Zombies were left right and centre, but Francis easily run the mover and hit them out of the way. Occasionally Arthur would snap at him about missing one or two, but the Frenchman just laughed it off.

Matthew sighed as he sat in the side car, holding Gilbert on his lap. "I'm worried about Steve…"

"That boy knows trouble like Alfred knows a hamburger." Said Francis. He suddenly swerved and ran over a zombie.

Gilbert cleared his throat. "Um… excuse me-"

"Be careful about where you're touching our son." Snapped Arthur. He was keeping an eye on that albino. There was just something he didn't like about him. Perhaps it was his red eyes and white hair. Maybe we will never know…

"Sorry…" Muttered Gilbert.

Francis chuckled. "Oh Arthur, you are so silly sometimes… Anyway we must be careful about this whole Steve situation, so he doesn't get hurt."

Matthew nodded and looked up at his fathers. "So, I guess you three haven't been properly introduced. Papa, dad, this is-"

"Gilbert." Said Arthur. "We know. You've told us about him."

"Failed to mention the, uh, disability." Said Francis.

"It's kind of a new thing." Muttered Gilbert. Francis swerved again and hit three zombies.

"You seem like an okay person." Said Arthur. "But whoever Matthew ends up with is going to be part of the family business. What are you going to do?" He snapped. "Throw magic stars at chupacabras with your tongue?"

"Maybe, dad." Mused Matthew. "Gilbert's tongue is very limber…"

"HOW THE BLOODY HELL WOULD YOU KNOW THAT?" Screeched Arthur.

"He doesn't!" Cried Gilbert, trying to save his own skin. "He doesn't know that at all! He has no idea if my tongue is limber!"

Francis laughed happily as he hit another zombie. "The days of youth… Don't you remember our high school days? Sneaking out of class… hiding on the school roof… I remember when you were really horny and practically begged me to-"

"EYES ON THE FUCKING ROAD!" Screamed a now red faced Arthur.

Francis laughed and quickly slammed on the breaks. "We're here."

Arthur looked up at the building and frowned. "What the bloody hell kind of place is this?" He asked. "The damn building looks like one of those bloody games that Alfred plays."

"It's the Fulci Fun Centre, dad." Said Matthew as he jumped out of the side car and attached Gilbert to his shorts. "It's where all the kids from Hetalia World academy hang out after school."

Arthur jumped off the bike and wiped some zombie blood off his suit. "It's a bloody abomination and a waist of space."

"Not really." Said Francis. "I admit it's not the Eiffel tower, but it has some form of beauty about it…"

Arthur glared at Francis. "No."

"Well we need to think of a plan." Said Francis.

Matthew got a piece of chalk and started to scribble on the ground. "Let's see, plan A. I'll head into the building at the entrance, while papa and dad sneak in from the back. I'll act as a decoy, drawing all the zombie's attention towards me. While you two go up to the roof where Steve should be."

"Um, you just made yourself a decoy." Cried Gilbert in shock.

Francis started to cry. "My little boy is a tactical genius."

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Bloody frog." He quickly shoved a box into Matthew's arms. "The frog and I got you a little something. Happy birthday."

Matthew smiled. "Thank you Dad, Papa."

Francis smiled and wiped away the last of his tears. "Oh well, see you up there Matthew." He grabbed Arthur's hand and pulled him to the fire escape.

"Good luck sirs!" Called Gilbert. "I'm sure you'll do awesome."

"Stop sucking up!" Snapped Arthur. "And don't think I forgot about that tongue stuff either! You better watch what you do with my son when you're hiding in the shadows!"

Francis laughed. "I'm sure Gilbert's great at giving head."

"DON'T GIVE THEM IDEAS!" Screeched Arthur. "They need to focus!" Francis chuckled and started to climb up the fire escape, Arthur following.

Matthew smiled and looked down at Gilbert. "I think they really liked you."

"… Your dad threatened me and your papa seemed way too comfortable when he ran over those zombies." Said Gilbert.

Matthew shrugged and opened his present, inside was a set of knee and elbow pads. "Awesome!" Said Matthew as he quickly put them on. He chuckled a little and knocked his elbows together, grinning at the clack that they made when the knocked together. "Alright, let's go!"

They entered the building. Inside were a few gamer obsessed zombies trying to level up on packman or space invaders. "Let's just walk past these guys." Whispered Gilbert. "They won't even notice us if we just go over to the elevator and get the fuck out of here!"

Matthew rolled his eyes. "I'm a zombie hunter Gil. I can't leave one zombie alive." He ran over to a small group of zombies and started to hit and cut them down to size.

"Anyone else think it's weird that there are zombies killing zombies in games?"

Matthew kicked a zombie in the face, spun around and cut the same one in half. "Nope." About three minutes later all the zombies in the room were butchered and a few vintage games were smashed. Matthew grinned and walked over to the elevator, stepping inside. "Going up."

**XoXoXo page brake oXoXoX**

After a few seconds the elevator rumbled to a halt and Matthew stepped out. In an instant everything became pixelated. "What the heck?"

"Everything's gone all Commodore 64 on us!" Cried Gilbert.

Walls started to pop up and cheesy packman techno music started playing. There was a flash of light and Matthew and Gilbert became pink pixels in contrast to the blue pixels of the rest of the room, and just to make matters worse a giant yellow packman appeared, but this one had teeth and for some reason, a fez. It was heading right towards Matthew and Gilbert.

"I think it thinks we're blue ghosts!" Cried Matthew.

"Stop thinking and run!" Cried Gilbert. Matthew didn't need to be told twice. He started running through the maze.

"Think." He muttered to himself. "How does packman work? Go through the maze, eat the dots and eat the ghosts… What the hell am I meant to do? Out run it?"

"Keys!" Cried Gilbert. "In these old games to advance to the next level you need to find keys! Usually between five and eight."

Matthew quickly turned a corner and grinned. A few feet away was a bright yellow key. "Okay, I'll find the keys." He quickly grabbed the key, but it vanished into thin air. The words '7 KEYS LEFT' flashed in front of Matthew's eyes. "I guess its eight keys then…"

For the next five minutes Matthew was running around like a mad man, grabbing keys and avoiding packman. Several times they were almost chomped by that yellow freak, but they managed to escape every time.

Matthew leaned against a wall and tried to catch his breath. "This… is insane… Where's that last key?"

"Hey Matthew? Can I ask you a rather… sensitive question?" Asked Gilbert.

Matthew smiled a little. "Yes Gil?"

"My face his stuck in your butt." Said Gilbert. "Can you move it a little?" Matthew rolled his eyes and moved Gilbert's head a little. "Thanks."

Matthew chuckled a little and started to run again. Eventually he found the last key. "Yes!" He cheered as he grabbed it. Once he grabbed it a mysterious door opened up and Matthew ran towards it, jumping into it.

**XoXoXo page brake oXoXoX**

When Matthew and Gilbert opened their eyes they were no longer pink pixels, but back to normal. "That was weird!" Cried Gilbert. "I never want to do that again! Ever!"

"It wasn't so bad." Muttered Matthew. He looked over at a group of zombie and grinned. As quick as a flash he ran over to them and chopped them into pieces. Matthew looked up at the roof and frowned, there was a platform he could get up to if someone threw him up there. He quickly looked around the room for a headless corps. He could only find one. He walked up to it and unclipped Gilbert's head from his shorts. "Hey Gil… remember when we were back at the school and I put your head on that zombie?"

Gilbert looked down at the zombie. "No fucking way! I could understand a fat guy, I could understand a jock, I could understand a nerd, but if you put my head onto that I will strangle you!"

"It's only for a few seconds!" Cried Matthew. "I just need someone to throw me up to that platform!" Before Gilbert could say anything else Matthew quickly crouched down and attached Gilbert's head to the body of a bust cheerleader.

"I will kill you!" Snapped Gilbert as he slowly sat up, getting used to his new centre of gravity. After he was used to his new body he laced his fingers together and bent his knees. "Just hurry up and jump." He muttered. Matthew smiled and quickly jumped onto Gilbert's hands, who quickly threw him into the air. Matthew landed on the platform with ease.

There wasn't much up there, except there were two people trying to get away from the zombies. One looked a lot like Feliciano, but had darker hair and a hair curl on the opposite side of his head, he was dangling from the railing as a zombie tried and swipe at him. This was Feliciano's older brother Lovino. The other one was standing on a ledge, just out of a zombies reach. He had curly brown hair and green eyes. This was one of Gilbert's friends, Antonio. Neither looked like they could last much longer.

"HELP!" Cried Antonio.

"FUCKING HELP US SOMEONE! GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!" Screamed Lovino.

Matthew quickly dashed over to them. With a quick spin and two swings of his chainsaw the zombies were dead. When they were dead Lovino pulled himself back up onto the platform.

"Thanks chainsaw bastard." He muttered, still a little shell shocked.

Antonio jumped down from the ledge and hugged Lovino. "Si, thank you so much amigo."

"You two should be safe if you stay here." Said Matthew.

Antonio nodded. "Okay, thanks… You're um… Gilbert's boyfriend right? Is he okay?"

"Fuck that bastard." Muttered Lovino. "What about my brother?"

"Feliciano's fine." Said Matthew reassuringly. "As for Gilbert… He's gotten ahead in life. So to speak… Well if you excuse me I have to save my cousin." He waved farewell to Antonio and Lovino. He found a pipe that had fallen from the roof making it easy for him to slide down it. When he got to the bottom he walked over to Gilbert and pulled his head off the cheerleader's body and attached him back to his shorts.

"You sure took your time." Said Gilbert.

"I just killed some zombies." Muttered Matthew. He looked around the room for a moment; all the games were broken but one was lit up. He walked over to it and frowned. "Why do you think this is working?" He tapped one of the buttons and was immediately engulfed by a bright light.

**XoXoXo page brake oXoXoX**

Once again Matthew and Gilbert were pink pixels inside a game. It was similar to a puzzle solving game Matthew had played once where a convict escapes the police by going through a series of doors and elevators on a side scrolling screen.

"I hate old games." Muttered Gilbert. "Let's check out the elevator."

With nothing to lose Matthew walked into the elevator on the right side of the screen. They moved up one level and Matthew was immediately hit with a giant pixel bullet. When he stopped seeing stars, Matthew quickly dashed forwards and chopped off the zombie cops head. Matthew then opened up a pink door and walked through. He ended up on the left side of the screen and walked into the next elevator.

"This is all too surreal." Said Gilbert. "If a little dude in a red cap and blue overalls pops out at me, I swear I will vomit all over myself."

"No stomach." Said Matthew. "You can't vomit." Suddenly the lights went out and several yellow and blue neon zombies appeared. He quickly spun around in a circle and killed the zombies. The lights came back on and Matthew went into the elevator. Eventually after much zombie bashing he made it to the end. A bright light engulfing them again.

**XoXoXo page brake oXoXoX**

When the lights vanished and everything went back to normal Matthew and Gilbert just looked at what was before them in shock; there were about fifty zombies, standing around circular stage that had a stripper pole in the middle of the stage.

Matthew shook his head. '_A… s-s-stripper pole? What the hell? Oh well… Guess I should make the best of a bad situation._' He quickly ran onto the stage, alerting the zombies to his presence. They all quickly crawled onto the stage and tried to attack him, but Matthew was faster. He was already spinning on the pole and brandishing his chainsaw by the time they got to him. In a matter of seconds they were all dead.

"I repeat, why do you not tell me about this pole dancing hobby of yours?" Growled Gilbert.

Matthew's face burned bright red. "It's not a hobby! It's just comes in handy! My papa taught me how to do that but with ropes. Crap that sounds bad! I mean it was just in case we ever got our hands on a helicopter and needed someone to shoot and stuff and I should stop talking now…"

"Birdie, you should have stopped after your first sentence." Said Gilbert.

Matthew's blush darkened as he walked to the other end of the room. "I know… I know…" Over the other side of the room was another retro game. This time it looked like pong. "Well… Here goes nothing…" He pressed the start button.

Pong was relatively easy to get through. Just a matter of hacking zombies and dodging the giant white pixel. They ended up on the roof top, surrounded by more zombies. Matthew growled and started to hack them apart. "Where the hell is my cousin? This isn't funny anymore!"

"Was it ever funny?" Asked Gilbert.

"Shut up Gil." Snapped Matthew. After killing the zombies there was only one more place Stave could be; the giant UFO room on the top of the building. "Let's do this." He growled as he ran inside. "Steve? Where are you?"

**TBC**

**Shinigami-cat: **Okay! Next boss battle coming up! Please review!


	10. Disco Showdown

**Shinigami-cat: **Hey everyone! This chapter took me a little longer than I thought it would to get out. I hope you all enjoy it… I OWN NOTHING!

**Disco Showdown**

Upon entering the UFO shaped building Matthew and Gilbert were blasted with disco music and strobe lights. On the dance floor surrounded by dancing zombies was a woman wearing a bright pink fur coat, green bikini, top hat, knee high boots and playing a key tar. "Whoaaaaaaaaaaa, babeeeeeeee!" She said in her auto tuned voice. "Time to get the funk out!"

As soon as Matthew stepped onto the dance floor the music stopped and the zombies froze mid dance. "You're the one from the phone!" He accused. "Give me back my cousin!"

"What's the matter, babeeee?" She asked. A smirk plastered to her face. "Didn't you like out phone S-E-X-X-X?"

Out of the corner of Matthew's eye, he could see Francis and Arthur sneaking past. The quickly waved at Matthew before they kept going. Matthew glared at the woman. "Give me Steve now! And quit making fun of Stephen Hawking. He's a great man you perv!"

"I'm the pervert?" Questioned the woman. "You're the one with a head hanging from your hip." Gilbert rolled his eyes at that. "I already told you boy, if you want to win your cousin back, you have to play the game."

**Elizabeth – Funk Zombie**

**Influences:** Parliament Funkadelic, Rick James, eight-foot piles of cocaine, C3P0

**Hobbies: **Dancing, playing Packman

Elizabeth jumped onto a small UFO and to shoot rainbow coloured lasers at them. Matthew quickly jumped and ducked out of the way, shooting at the brunet bitch when he could. Suddenly the UFO flew into the air and slammed down, almost hitting Matthew and Gilbert.

"Damn it!" Cried Matthew. "That thing's too fast!"

"I know right?" Said Gilbert.

Suddenly the UFO started to grind towards them. Matthew quickly jumped up and onto the UFO. He skilfully dodged Elizabeth's attacks and hit her once before Elizabeth hit him with her key tar and knocked Matthew to the ground. "Damn it."

"You okay Birdie?" Asked Gilbert.

Matthew quickly got up and nodded. "Yeah."

Without warning Elizabeth pulled a leaver on her UFO and several black, pixel bombs fell from the roof and hit the floor. Matthew gulped and quickly jumped out of the way when the bombs turned red.

"This chick is a tool." Growled Gilbert. "And her UFO sucks too."

Matthew chuckled a little and ran up a flight of rainbow neon steps to get away from another barrage of bombs that Elizabeth let drop from the roof. From the top of the steps Matthew could shoot at the Hungarian zombie without fear of getting blasted by the bombs.

"Just realized something." Said Gilbert. "It's not a UFO it's an IFO. Identified Fucking Object."

"You come up with some weird one liners." Said Matthew as he continuously shot at Elizabeth.

Suddenly the neon steps disappeared and Matthew and Gilbert fell to the ground. But Matthew didn't care. He quickly got up and charged at Elizabeth, jumping onto her UFO and cut that bitch in half.

But Elizabeth wasn't fazed. She quickly pressed a button and the roof opened up and the remaining half of her body quickly shot out of the roof. "Second stage." She said. "Initiating funky, funky."

"You're not getting away that easily!" Snapped Matthew. He quickly followed Elizabeth through the roof.

They were thrown through a small hatch and landed on top of a giant UFO. Elizabeth was sitting in the control panel right in the middle of it all, protected by a force field. "Groovy, groovy." She said. "This is an announcement to all attendees; the game has reached the climax. Let the never ending freakiness begin. Let's warp into space. Commencing countdown. Now everybody together babeeeee! Babeeeeeeeeee!"

"Fuck that chick is annoying!" Growled Gilbert. "Are we really on a UFO that's heading into space?"

Matthew nodded. "Yep. Let's look for a way to bring this thing down quickly." He started to look for a way to destroy the force field and kill Elizabeth before they reached outer space. There were five blue generators that had leads going towards the force field. "Bingo!"

Matthew quickly ran over to one and started to attack it. Suddenly it turned red and electrocuted him, knocking him to the ground.

"Damn it! Are you okay Matthew?" Cried Gilbert in concern.

Matthew got up on shaky legs. All this electricity probably wasn't good for his body. "I'm fine… Pissed off, but fine." With that cleared up he started to attack the blue generators again, being careful to jump back when they turned red.

After about two minutes he had smashed every generator and therefore turned off the barrier. He smirked and shot at Elizabeth, shattering the glass barrier that separated them. He ran over to her, chainsaw raised. "You are so dead!"

"Hold on!" Cried Elizabeth. "If you kill me, you'll never see you cousin again!" She brought up a small screen of Steve and grinned. Steve was trapped in a glass dome at the bottom of the ship. If Matthew killed Elizabeth and blew up the UFO, Steve would get blown up too.

"Hey!" Snapped Gilbert. "You promised you'd give him back if we won!"

"And you believed me?" Laughed Elizabeth. "I'm a mother freaking zombie! Drop the chainsaw!"

Matthew sighed in defeat and was about to drop the chainsaw when the image of Arthur and Francis appeared on the screen. Arthur was holding a stick of TNT and Francis grabbed Steve. "Hello Matthew." Said Francis happily.

Elizabeth's jaw dropped. "Funk me…"

There was an explosion and the UFO shook. If someone cared to look over the edge one could see two parachutes with writing on them. One said 'DESTROY THEM ALL' the other one said 'KILL ALL THE WANKERS'.

"Meus Vita, Rege, pro nefario coepto!" Cried Elizabeth as she evaporated and sucked into and dark purplish, blue vortex in the sky.

Matthew fell through the sky, unable to clearly see where they were going to land. This looked like it was the end. Luckily Francis happened to catch him and Gilbert, even if they made him fall flat on his back. "Ouch…"

"Sorry Papa." Said Matthew as he quickly got up and pulled Francis to his feet. "Thank you so much for catching us, and for saving Steve. How is he by the way?"

Francis chuckled and pointed to Arthur and Steve. "What do you think?"

"That was so fucking cool!" Cried Steve as he tried to squirm out of Arthur's grip. "I was like, holy fuck! That zombie chick is so freaky! And she was so fucking crazy! Who the fuck talks like Steven Hawking besides Steven Hawking? Fucking insane!"

"STOP BLOODY SWEARING YOU WANKA!" Yelled Arthur as he tried to check Steve's face for cuts. "Where the hell did you pick up such a filthy mouth?"

Matthew chuckled and had a quick look around; they seemed to be standing on top of a building overlooking the construction site for the new cathedral. From what he could see there were zombies everywhere.

Suddenly Steven ran over to Matthew and unclipped Gilbert. "I'm going to borrow you boyfriend for a bit."

"Hey!" Cried Gilbert. "Put me down!"

Matthew grinned. "Okay, just don't drop him."

Steve grinned as he tossed around Gilbert's screaming head. "This is so cool!" He laughed.

"Stop it!" Cried Gilbert. "Help me!"

"Will you quit messing around over there Gilbert?" Snapped Arthur.

"What?" Cried Gilbert in shock. "Me?"

Steve smirked. "He's distracting me, uncle Iggy!"

"Hey dudes, what's up?" Asked Alfred as he crawled up onto the roof.

"Where the bloody hell, have you been?" Snapped Arthur. "Steve got kidnapped by a zombie! We could have used your help!"

"The hero had other things to do." Said Alfred. "I found a bunch of random people on the school roof and around the place. I've been driving my truck back and forth trying to get them all to a safe place, because that's what hero's do."

"Fair enough." Said Francis. He clapped his hands and turned his attention back to Matthew, Arthur and Alfred. "All right, due to your fine work it seems that there's only one Dark Purveyor left. So here is what we are going to do. Matthew will attack from the South. Arthur and I will take them out on the East. Alfred will be with Steve and attack from the West. Together we should be able to find the last one. Got it?"

"Yes Papa." Said Alfred and Matthew in unison.

"Yes frog." Said Arthur.

Suddenly Steve ran over to them and showed them Gilbert's face. "Check it out! I gave it a makeover!" Gilbert's face was covered in blush, lipstick, foundation and eye shadow. Why Steve had those items was anyone's guess.

"I'm not an it." Growled Gilbert.

Arthur glared at Gilbert. "If you don't stop acting like a fruit I'll put you in a juicer."

Gilbert sighed. "I can't take this anymore, Matthew… I'm just slowing you down… Just leave me in the trashcan, okay? Or a mail box or something, because I don't want to go any further!"

Matthew's face dropped. "What? But, I'm not going without you! I love you!"

"No you don't." Snapped Gilbert. "You just think it's cool to have a boyfriend who's a decapitated head! What about what I want?"

"But what if the zombies find you?" Cried Matthew. "They love human face, it's their favourite part!"

"That's a risk I'm willing to take." Muttered Gilbert. "Living like this sucks anyway."

"No!" Snapped Matthew.

"No?" Cried Gilbert. "You can't just take me if I don't want to go!"

"Yes I can!" Snapped Matthew. He grabbed Gilbert from Steve's hands and clipped him back to his shorts. "And do you know why? It's because I love you so much!"

Francis sighed contently. "Young love… Okay, let's get moving!" He ran over to the side of the roof and jumped off. He was quickly followed by the rest of the family, laughing and screaming all the way.

"Let's kick some ass!" Yelled Alfred

"Fuck yeah!" Hollered Steve.

"Let's go!" Called Arthur.

"Yeah!" Cheered Matthew.

"Kill me already!" Screamed Gilbert.

**TBC**

**Shinigami-cat: **Poor Gilbert. Oh well, only one Dark Purveyor left! Please review!


	11. Cathedral

**Shinigami-cat: **Yeah, so here's the next chapter… I OWN NOTHING!

**Cathedral**

Matthew landed on a broken down bus with a grin. It was pretty much midnight or at least close to it. As he looked around there were hundreds of zombies staggering around. "Let's do this!" Cheered Matthew as he jumped down, mutilating any zombie that got in his way.

Gilbert rolled his eyes. "I guess I don't have any choice but to do this."

Matthew frowned as he quickly spun around and cut the head's off three zombies. "Come on Gil, it's not so bad right?"

"You took away my choice Matthew!" Cried Gilbert. "You're making me no better than those zombies!"

Matthew rolled his eyes as he climbed over a burning car. "Oh I'm sorry. I thought you didn't want to be a zombie. I thought that staying alive was probably high on your agenda!"

Once Matthew had climbed over the car he made his way to an alleyway where several zombies were stumbling towards them. Matthew was about to go nuts and cut them to bits when someone started shooting at the zombies. Matthew quickly looked up and saw Alfred on the roof.

Alfred grinned. "Hey Matthew! I hope you work things out with your boyfriend!"

"I think we could if he stopped being a jerk!" Snapped Matthew.

"Hey! I'm the one being kidnapped here!" Growled Gilbert.

Alfred rolled his eyes. "Whatever dudes. I'll cover you until I'm out of ammo! Go!"

Matthew nodded and started to chop up the rest of the zombies. "Kidnapped?" He asked. "You really think I'm kidnapping you?" He quickly chopped off another zombies head.

"Is now really the best time to talk about this?" Asked Gilbert.

"Well I don't see you making an effort!" Snapped Matthew. As they were arguing Alfred started to shoot the zombies with deadly accuracy. Head shoots all the way.

"… Get him to put a bullet in my head while he's at it."

"So morbid." Muttered Matthew. He spun around and chopped off a zombie head. As it flew through the air Alfred shot it, sending chunks of gore everywhere. "Alfred's an amazing sharp shooter."

When all the zombies were dead Alfred grinned and ran across the roof. "Good luck bro, see you on the other side!"

Matthew chuckled and ran around the side of the building. The only way through was to climb over a stack of cars and into a small enclosed area. Surly there would be a way out in there. He climbed over the cars and jumped down. There was a chain-link fence on one side and a stack of cars blocking all means of escape.

"Damn it!" Hissed Matthew. "Dead end."

"Because things just couldn't get any better." Muttered Gilbert.

"Seriously Gil! Turn that frown upside-down." Snapped Matthew. I hate seeing you like this!"

"Whatever." Said Gilbert. "By the way, zombies are climbing the fence."

Matthew quickly turned and started to slice and dice the undead masses. But no matter how many times he cut them down they just kept on coming. "Damn it! This isn't working!" Cried Matthew.

"Matthew!" Called Alfred from outside. "I'll clear a path for you! Make sure you get your butt over here when I do!" There was suddenly a huge explosion as several cars got blown to pieces. Alfred must have shot out the petrol tanks. As fast as he could, Matthew ran over to the car and jumped over it. As soon as he was clear Alfred shot the car making it flip and trap the zombies inside.

"You brother's just as crazy as the zombies." Whined Gilbert.

"He's not that crazy." Said Matthew. "Dad had him tested."

"… Right… That's totally reassuring on all levels."

Matthew rolled his eyes and walked over to a car. With a bit of difficulty he managed to chop it in half, making a small gap for him to cross through. "I'll see you on the other side of the building Alfred!"

"See you in a few." Called Alfred. After much zombie butchering Matthew and Gilbert ended up on the other side of the building, still killing zombies. Luckily for them Alfred was there and happily shooting zombies. "You two took your time." He said as he jumped onto a broken down bus. "Watch out! Zombies over head."

"Got it!" Called Matthew as he quickly turned around and started to beat the living snot out of them.

"Move your ass!" Snapped Alfred. "You're so freaking slow! I'm like way faster than you!"

"That's what she said." Chuckled Matthew as he slaughtered the last zombie. He took a moment to catch his breath. "Huh? Where's Alfred gone now?"

"Probably somewhere less crazy." Muttered Gilbert. "Or more, depending on how he's feeling."

Matthew rolled his eyes and chopped of a zombie's head. "Whatever." They made their way around the building killing more zombies, when suddenly Alfred called out to them.

"Hey guys! Sorry, I like needed to reload."

Matthew shrugged. "It's no problem Al." He turned around and cut off a zombie's arms before chopping off its head. After that several shot were fired killing several zombies.

"Fuck!" Cursed Alfred. "I'm out of ammo… Sorry bro, but the rest is up to you."

"That's fine Al." Said Matthew. "Thanks for your help… By the way, where's Steve? I thought Papa said that he was meant to be with you?"

"He ran off again." Said Alfred. "I think he's looking for a working car or something near the construction site. You know him, always trying to find something to smash."

Matthew rolled his eyes. "Okay then. See you later Alfred." He started to run towards the construction site. "Oh boy, now I feel the pressure."

"Now you feel the pressure?" Asked Gilbert in disbelief. "What the hell? You mean you didn't feel it before when we were running for our lives since the beginning of the day?"

"… Not really." Said Matthew cheerfully. He walked into the main construction site and gulped. There were hundreds of zombies everywhere. "Eep."

The sound of a crane springing to life made Matthew gasp. A wrecking ball was speeding towards him. He quickly ducked as it just brushed past his hair and took out a dozen zombies. Steve stuck his head out of the cabin and grinned. "Hey, Matthew, look what I found!" He laughed maniacally as he made it swing around more and more.

"Be careful with that thing!" Cried Matthew as he jumped out of the way again.

"I'm really awesome at it! Watch!" The wrecking ball took out seven more zombies.

"Listen." Said Gilbert. "I know I'm mad at you now, but you have to be careful. Your cousin is more dangerous than the zombies!" The wrecking ball just skimmed past Gilbert's nose. "Steve, watch it! Alright, we're going to die quickly! We are going to die quickly!"

Steve laughed as he swung the wrecking ball at the last zombie standing, making it hit the wall but he also took out the wall in the process. "This is awesome!" Cried Steve in delight. Matthew sighed and walked through the hole in the wall that Steve made, thinking he wouldn't follow. But Steve just ran over the wall with the crane. "Matthew, what kind of cake are we having tonight? Think it'll be chocolate? I love chocolate! Almost as much as I live crocodiles! Remember those crocodile zombies we had to kill that one time? Fucking awesome!"

Matthew rolled his eyes as he spotted several zombie construction workers. "Yeah I remember Steve. You fell in the water and wrestled one onto the sand." He ran up to them and started hacking away. At the same time Steve started swinging the wrecking ball again.

"Hey Matthew! How can I meet a cool boyfriend and or girlfriend who's interesting like that thing?" Asked Steve.

"I'm not a thing!" Cried Gilbert in frustration.

Matthew chuckled a little. "Just be yourself Steve. That's all you have to do… and you might want to wait a few months before telling them you're a zombie hunter." He quickly cartwheeled out of the way as Steve took out five zombies. He accidently made a huge hole in the wall while doing so.

"Fuck! I mean… I meant to do that!" Said Steve happily. Matthew rolled his eyes and jumped through the hole. In less than a second Steve followed through another hole he made by driving through a wall. "I love this fucking crane! Do you think Uncle Iggy and Uncle Francis will let me keep it?"

"No." Said Matthew bluntly. Suddenly several zombies jumped from the roof and started to attack the crane.

Steve was starting to freak out. "MATTHEW! FUCKING ZOMBIES! ZOMBIES EVERYWHERE! I LOVE IT! HA!"

Matthew rolled his eyes and shot the zombies off. "I got it Steve. Stop freaking out." The wrecking ball smashed into another wall making another hole. Matthew looked down at Gilbert and smiled. "You know Gil, we've seen a lot of interesting stuff today."

"Don't care." Muttered Gilbert.

"Move it you two!" Said Steve as he started to reverse the crane. "I'm going to go find Uncle Iggy and Uncle Francis. One of them has to let me keep this thing!"

Matthew rolled his eyes. "Good luck with that." With that he turned and jogged up into an industrial elevator, slowly it started to move up. This would have been just fine, if it wasn't for the zombies that kept jumping on it, threatening to exceed the 1000kg weight limit.

"We are so fucked." Muttered Gilbert.

Matthew chuckled and quickly decapitated them all. "No we're not." The sound of the iron cables snapping above them made Matthew think otherwise. "Oops."

The cable snapped on one side causing the bottom of the elevator to drop. "WE'RE FALLING!" Screamed Gilbert.

"Don't worry. I've got us." Said Matthew cheerfully. Somehow he had managed to grab hold of one of the joints that linked the cable to the platform. From where they were dangling they could see the half-finished cathedral. "Wow… it looks so beautiful."

Gilbert rolled his eyes "Yeah, the aesthetics of my surroundings are so interesting to me right now."

"I know." Said Matthew in a slightly dreamy manner.

"This is asinine Matthew. I don't need to be here!" Snapped Gilbert.

"But you're my moral support Gil!" Said Matthew happily. "If you wanted to you could do some cheers."

Gilbert rolled his eyes. "Rah, rah it sucks being a head, fuck everything rah, rah. How's that?"

"Honestly? That was terrible." Said Matthew. "But I bet you'll get better with practice." With that Matthew jumped down onto the ground and made his way down a flight of metal steps.

Suddenly his phone went off and reluctantly Matthew answered. "Hello?"

"Hey Matthew it's me Steve!" Said Steve excitedly. "I just found this dog and it's so, so, so cute! Do you think Uncle Iggy will let me keep it? I hope so! I love it so much! Wait… never mind. The fucking thing just ran away."

Matthew chuckled and put the phone away. "Steve is such an idiot sometimes."

"No worse than the rest of your family." Muttered Gilbert.

"What was that?" Asked Matthew.

"Nothing." Said Gilbert. "Nothing at all… Anyway, the final battle. This is really heavy."

Matthew nodded in agreement as he kicked open a door, about thirty zombies were stumbling towards them. "Damn it…" The next few minutes were a blur as Matthew decapitated the horde.

"Matthew!" Called Francis from his high position on the half-finished structure. "I think I see something! Hold on tight!" He punched one of the supporting beams causing a tire to fall, roll along a flat surface, it knocked over several planks of wood, hitting a board and sending a metal box through the air, hitting a metal beam, making it swing down and take out several zombies, this made a zombie hit a portable building, which fell off the edge of a platform and hit the ground causing a small explosion, that made several concrete pillars fall over, hitting a small cart that trundled down its tracks and hit a plank, which caused a wrecking ball to fly through the air and hit the ground making a giant hole.

"Thanks Papa!" Called Matthew.

Francis grinned and waved. "Your dad and I will make sure you two don't run into any trouble along the way… Have you seen your father by any chance?"

Five seconds later Steve came busting through the wall laughing his head off while Arthur and Alfred were clinging to the side of it. "I FUCKING LOVE THIS THING!" Screamed Steve.

"Dude! I need one of these!" Yelled Alfred.

"GET THE BLOODY HELL OUT OF THERE RIGHT NOW, STEVE!" Yelled Arthur.

Steve pouted and turned off the crane. "You're no fun."

Francis chuckled. "So silly… Anyway, good luck you two! Gilbert, you may not be the guy Arthur and I would pick for our son, but you are obviously the guy he picked for himself and he's already been a lot smarter than the both of us… Seriously has anyone bothered to make him take in IQ test?"

"Uh… Thanks. I guess." Said Gilbert.

Matthew gulped as he looked down into the dark abyss. "Well… Here I go. Wish me luck." He jumped down ready to face the last of the Dark Purveyors.

**TBC**

**Shinigami-cat: **Please review, and while you're at it guess who the last boss is.


	12. Rock and Roll

**Shinigami-cat: **Hey everyone! This cracktastic fic is almost over! Just a little bit more… I OWN NOTHING!

**Rock and Roll**

Matthew landed on the ground with a thump. He had never been under the schools Cathedral before. It looked a little like a colosseum but not really. Perhaps it was more like the old churches in London or the catacombs of France. He kind of liked it.

"This is incredible!" Laughed Vlad as he clapped his hands. He was standing high up on a balcony. "Matthew, you actually made it. Fantastic!"

"How could you do this?" Cried Matthew. "To our school? To the people we loved?" He pointed his chainsaw towards Vlad and was going to run up to that freak and chop off his head, but two bullets hitting it made him turn around.

Speeding towards him on a motorcycle, shooting a barrage of bullets at him was the last Dark Purveyor. He was a man wearing a leather jacket, tight jeans and a purplish, pink scarf. He was holding an electric guitar, shaped like a pipe that also doubled as a semi-automatic rifle. He laughed darkly. "Oh yeah, that's what I'm talking about."

Vlad faked hurt. "Aw, Matthew, I've been getting so lonely since you've been wasting all my Dark Purveyors. Poor Ivan here is the only one left."

"And there's about to be none!" Growled Matthew.

Ivan smirked. "Da, cocky little whore, I like that."

"Bring it on douchebag." Spat Matthew. "I'm going to fuck you up!"

Ivan grinned. "I love your passion, babe. Looks like we could make beautiful death together." He ghosted his fingers over the strings of his guitar, smirking sadistically. "I've got a feeling when I start playing, you're just going to die!" He pointed the end of his guitar at Matthew and started to shoot at him, laughing maniacally. "Rock and Roll is here to stay! You're not!"

**Ivan – Rock 'n' Roll Zombie**

**Influences:** Chuck Berry, Eddie Cochran, your screams of agony

**Hobbies: **Drinking vodka, watching Swan Lake

Ivan started to drive around Matthew on his bike. Matthew growled and started shooting at him to try and knock him off his bike or something. It was a lot easier to kill someone when they weren't moving at like a million miles per hour. Suddenly Ivan changed direction and sped towards Matthew, knocking him over.

Matthew growled in frustration and quickly got back up. "Mother fucking Russian hoser!"

"See this is what happens when you don't get your sleep." Said Gilbert. "You get pissed off easily."

Matthew rolled his eyes and started shooting at Ivan again. "Oh I'm sorry I didn't quite catch that. I thought you hated me at the moment because I'm supposedly kidnapping you!"

Once again Ivan sped towards Matthew, but this time the Canadian was able to dodge him and shot him a good number of times. This guy was definitely one of the toughest zombies he's had to fight in a long time. "If I had my hands right now…" Muttered Gilbert. "I'd run away doing a hand stand."

Matthew rolled his eyes and started to hack at the bike when it came to too close. Flames started to shoot out of the exhaust pipes. "Just freaking die already!" Growled Matthew.

"Zombies!" Cried Gilbert. "There are zombies Matthew!"

Matthew quickly looked over his shoulder and pouted. There were about ten zombies staggering about. Knowing them they probably pulled themselves out of the ground. But he didn't have time to kill them. He had to take down Ivan then kill Vlad. He would just have to kill any that got in his way while he was trying to kill Ivan.

Sure enough after an extensive amount of chainsaw hacking and shooting bullets all the zombies got caught in the cross fire. Suddenly Ivan sped and turned around, pipe-guitar ready to smash Matthew's skull in. But Matthew was too quick he turned and slammed his chainsaw against the pipe-guitar with such force that Ivan flew off the bike as it smashed to pieces.

"Now your chance!" Cried Gilbert. "Get him while he's off the bike!" Matthew grinned and quickly ran up to Ivan and sliced off his legs.

Ivan growled as he glared at Matthew with pure rage. "You ready to fly to the depths of hell?" The broken chunks of motorbike suddenly sprang to life as they formed around his body; machine gun turrets appeared either side of Ivan's head, a giant buzz saw arm sprang from one side and a mallet type arm from the other side, giant towering legs sprouted from the bottom of it and a giant metal elephant skull formed at the front.

Gilbert rolled his eyes. "Sure, a giant robot elephant. Doesn't even faze me anymore."

The buzz saw swung around in a circle, charging it up before slamming it into the ground causing a small sonic wave. Luckily Matthew was able to jump out of the way. He started to hack at the legs of the robot elephant. "Elephants." He muttered. "Why couldn't it have been something small like a Chihuahua?"

He quickly jumped out of the way as the elephant started to move again. It glided along the ground sending sparks everywhere as Ivan laughed; well it was more like he was saying kol kol kol.

Without warning Ivan started shooting at them. Matthew gulped and dived out of the way. "I can't believe it's a fucking transformer."

"Well it is!" Snapped Matthew. "Deal with it!" When Ivan stopped shooting at them Matthew quickly started to attack the legs of the robot elephant again. He jumped up high into the air and attacked the leg joints sending the metal monster crashing to the ground.

Ivan growled. "It's not over yet da!" Two giant wheels popped out of the sides of the elephant monster and it started to speed towards Matthew and Gilbert again.

"Dude!" Cried Gilbert. "You got no legs! Just stop already, you're embarrassing yourself!"

Matthew quickly jumped out of the way as Ivan crashed into a wall. While Ivan was momentarily stunned Matthew quickly ran over and started to hack away at the rest of the machine, making sure to jump out of the way when the engine started up again.

The robot elephant reversed and zipped around the room and an unbelievably fast pace as flames billowed from its exhaust and a static charge started to build around it. Without warning it ran into Matthew sending him flying through the air, landing on the ground with a painful thump.

"Legless asshole!" Growled Gilbert.

Matthew nodded in agreement as he looked over at Ivan, who had crashed into the wall again. He ran over and started to hack at the elephant again. He managed to cut through one of the arm joints, making the buzz saw fall to the ground. "You hurt my elephant!" Cried Ivan, his voice laced with sarcasm and malice.

He tried to run Matthew over again, but the teen was too quick. He jumped up and cut through the other arm, making it fall to the ground. "Alright!" Cheered Matthew happily.

But Ivan still wasn't done yet. He growled in frustration and just started to try and run Matthew over. He didn't want to lose to the small blond. He was pulling out all the stops too. No more randomly mashing the ground or uncontrolled speeding around. He was going to move as fast as he could to take out Matthew and Gilbert.

Matthew managed to quickly dodge the attacks and hit Ivan's stupid robot elephant a couple of times. He jumped up onto top of the metal monster and started to slice through the metal elephant skull.

But Ivan wasn't done yet. A huge metal ribcage popped up behind him as he started to speed around, knocking Matthew off the front and nearly running him over.

"Damn it!" Growled Matthew. "This guy just won't quit!"

Cannon ball sized bullets started to fly out of the back of Ivan's bike. "Eat some of this!" He growled.

Matthew gulped and quickly dodged the bullets as he tried to get closer to Ivan. One way or another he was going to kill him. He managed to get one swipe in before it started up again and started to blitz around the room faster than before, with twice as much speed as before as it shot at him.

"FUCK THIS SHIT!" Screamed Matthew. He jumped up back into the elephant robot and chopped of Ivan's head. He was not in the mood for all this undead bullshit anymore.

Ivan and his bike exploded. "Meus Vita, Rege, pro nefario coepto!" Rasped Ivan as he evaporated and got sucked into a purplish blue swirling vortex.

Matthew growled and pointed his chainsaw at Vlad. "Your turn, you whiny MySpace haired jerk!"

Vlad just laughed and walked towards him, clapping his hands happily. "Fantastic work, Matthew! You've done everything just as I hoped you would, from start to finish. Thanks for your cooperation. Now the real deal is fulfilled!"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Asked Gilbert.

Vlad grinned. "You incredibly hot idiot. I told you, for the gates of Hell to open, a ritual must be enacted…" He casually walked over to Ivan's pipe-guitar and picked it up. "And you were part of it all along. I set this whole thing up. Now the ceremony has been completed!"

"He's lost it." Muttered Matthew.

"You don't say." Hissed Gilbert.

Vlad opened his book and casually skimmed over the words. "A pawn, you, had to sacrifice five pre-selected zombies, and they must utter the sacred words at the point of their deaths."

Matthew and Gilbert gasped in shock. "That random Latin!"

Vlad grinned. "My life, king, for your dark enterprise."

"Why?" Asked Matthew. "Why are you doing all this?"

"BECAUSE YOU'RE JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!" Screamed Vlad. His eyes burning with hatred. "YOU PRETENDED TO BE DIFFERENT, BUT YOU'RE NOT!"

Matthew frowned. "What? Me? What did I do?"

"Let's see…" Muttered Gilbert. "You're a zombie hunter that pretended to be a normal high school student… You used a magical ritual on my severed head… Want me to go on?"

"You're not helping." Hissed Matthew.

"Yes, Matthew, you, bastard!" Spat Vlad. He pressed the barrel of the gun against his lower jaw and shot himself, effectively blasting his head off. His head and corps fell to the ground as Matthew and Gilbert stood there in shock.

"What the fuck just happened?" Asked Gilbert.

"I have no idea…" Said Matthew. "But I have a feeling it's not over yet…"

Suddenly Vlad's body slowly started to rise into the air along with his head. Vlad's head was laughing wildly. "This is the end, the real end, to everything. This school, this world deserves to be destroyed! It rejected me! It ridiculed me! So I'll make this rotten world even more rotten! Rot away, rot away! Rot, rot, rot, rot, rot, rot! So fuck all of you! Your eternal screams of horror will be my pop music!"

Vlad's body and head were engulfed in a purple light in the sky, quickly followed by the hundreds of zombies from all around the school. The mass of zombie bodies fused together to create a giant mass of rippling flesh. It twisted and turned morphing into one giant colossal figure of the zombie of all zombies.

**Romulus - Zombie of Zombies**

**Influences: **Splinters, road kill, oppression, starvation, Satan, torture, rape, suffering, flat tires, M Night Shyamalan, genocide, Michael Buble

**Hobbies: **Sleeping, eating

"Oh no!" Cried Matthew. "The gates are open… It's the zombie of zombies… Romulus…"

"Yesterday, I stubbed my toe." Said Gilbert. "I thought that was the worst day of my life."

**TBC**

**Shinigami-cat: **So close… yet so far… Please review!


	13. Gauntlet

**Shinigami-cat: **Well this is a rather short chapter… I OWN NOTHING!

**Gauntlet**

Matthew quickly managed to make his way to the street; from where he was standing he could see Romulus off in the distance. His gigantic, colossal form towered over everything, he was taller than most of the skyscrapers. "Oh man…" Muttered Matthew.

Suddenly his phone went off. He sighed and answered it. "Matthew-kun? Can you hear me Matthew-kun?" Asked an aging voice.

Matthew gasped in shock. "Sensei Kiku? You're alive?"

"Can you hear me Matthew-kun?" Asked Kiku again. "It is impossible to rest in peace with all this going on!"

"Kiku are you alive?" Asked Matthew desperately.

"He just said 'rest in peace', Matthew." Said Gilbert.

"Maybe he's trying to take a nap, Gil." Snapped Matthew darkly.

"His voice is all ghostly and creepy and weird." Said Gilbert. "It's a sure sign he's dead!"

"Yes Matthew-kun." Said Kiku. "I'm contacting you from the Land Beyond Words. I'll guide you the best I can, but the reception here is terrible, so listen carefully."

"Yes, Sensei." Said Matthew.

"Yes, Sensei" Mimicked Gilbert in a slightly high pitched voice.

"Really Gilbert?" Asked Matthew. "The fate of our whole town is in the balance and you're going to mock me?"

"I didn't!"

"I just heard you! You're right there!"

"… It was the wind or something." Muttered Gilbert.

"Please, both of you!" Cried Kiku. "Matthew-kun, you must first get close to Romulus. But be careful he is, shall we say, cranky."

Matthew nodded and put his phone away. With that he started to run towards Romulus as fast as he could, but skidded to a halt when the road collapsed in front of him. "Damn it…" He muttered. "How are we going to get past?"

"HOLY SHIT FLYING CAR!" Screamed Gilbert. "WATCH OUT!"

Matthew gasped and hit the car with his chainsaw causing it to fly through the air and fall into the gaping hole in the road. "Sweet! I think I can make a bridge out of these… That is if Romulus keeps throwing cars at us."

But they didn't have to worry about that being a problem. Romulus was so angry that he kept throwing cars at them like a kid throwing a tantrum. He narrowly dodged a car that he only just managed to see out of the corner of his eye. "This shit's getting harder and harder!" Cried Gilbert.

"Don't worry." Said Matthew as he ran over the path he made from cars. "I'll get us through."

On the other side were several zombies. Matthew smirked and ran up to them, blitzing those monsters in a few second. Sadly he had to keep dodging Romulus who kept throwing cars at him. It was not making his job any easier. "I think I'm going to hurl…" Whined Gilbert.

"Need I remind you, you have no stomach?" Hissed the angry Canadian as he chopped off one of the undead bastard's head. With those freaks dead he dashed over to another hole in the road and started to wack more cars into the crater, making another path for him to run across.

"Stomach or no stomach I feel like I'm going to be sick!" Cried Gilbert.

Matthew rolled his eyes and quickly dashed past several zombies as they tried to grab him, but Matthew had no time for this. He needed to get close to Romulus to kill him. As he ran towards Romulus, getting ever closer a building started to quake and crumble right above them.

"SHIT A GODDAMN BUILDING'S FALLING ON US!" Screamed Gilbert. "THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE!"

"It's okay!" Said Matthew calmly as he started to sprint faster than he had ever done in his life. With one final leap he jumped onto a side road and escaped getting crushed to death by the falling building. Matthew panted heavily as he tried to catch his breath, the road ahead was blocked but he could easily get through when he could breathe properly again.

He wasn't used to running so fast or so much in one day. Quite honestly, he was out of shape for this. Maybe it was time to go on another family trip to Europe to find another zombie hoard to mutilate. Happy memories.

His phone went off again. Matthew sighed and quickly answered it. "Matthew-kun and Gilbert-kun, it's me again." Said Kiku. "See that path over there? Follow it to Romulus."

Matthew nodded and put his phone away. "The sooner Romulus is dead the better."

"So…" Muttered Gilbert. "They never taught you how to fight one of these… Romulus… things?"

Matthew shook his head and started to chop up a zombie that was running towards them. "Zombies, vampires, sasquatches-"

"You killed a sasquatch?" Asked Gilbert in disbelief.

"Sure, tons." Said Matthew happily. "Sasquatches are dicks." He quickly spun around a chopped off a zombie's head. "But this kind of monster… I-I didn't even know if it existed."

Gilbert rolled his eyes. "Wonderful…"

When the zombies were dead, Matthew was able to climb over the concrete pile that was blocking his path, jumping down onto the road on the other side. He quickly rounded the corner of the building and gulped. He was closer than ever to the giant zombie, Romulus. He roared and started to shoot lasers out of his eyes.

"Eep." Muttered Matthew as he quickly jumped out of the way.

"Oh good." Said Gilbert. "Zombies that shoot laser beams out of their eyes! I felt like something was missing!"

Matthew shrugged and started to dash towards Romulus. "I know… I'll try to use something as a shield to get closer." He ran over towards a chunk of up turned concrete and his behind it before dashing towards another up turned chunk. But he had to move quickly because Romulus would quickly blast anything he was hiding behind. This would have been much easier if it wasn't for all the stupid zombies that kept getting in the way.

As Matthew quickly killed them and jumped behind upturned concrete Gilbert decided to make light hearted conversation. "So… What else have you killed?"

Matthew shrugged and jumped out of the way of a laser. "Leprechauns… I killed a whole tribe of Frankenberries once."

"Frankenberry?" Questioned Gilbert. "As in the cereal?"

Matthew rolled his eyes as he chopped a zombie in half. "That's propaganda to get you to trust them." With that he quickly started to dash towards Romulus, getting closer and closer to him.

"Don't run away!" Bellowed Romulus as his laser hit a building, making it collapse.

"SHIT!" Yelled Gilbert. "Another fucking building!"

Matthew easily dodged the rubble and gulped. "I don't know if I… I haven't gotten this far in my training…"

"It's going to be okay!" Said Gilbert. "Just… Just listen, keep doing what you've been doing!"

Matthew grinned. "Okay." He skidded to a stop right at Romulus's feet. "Now… What do I do?"

**TBC**

**Shinigami-cat: **Almost done now! Please review!


	14. Tick, Tick Boom!

**Shinigami-cat: **Well… This is the last chapter! I hope you all like it! I OWN NOTHING!

**Tick, Tick Boom!**

Romulus laughed darkly as he reached down and grabbed Matthew in his hand. "Happy Birthday, Matthew." He bellowed.

Matthew cried in shock as he was lifted into the air. "Crap! This is so not good!" He started to stab Romulus in his grubby hand with the chainsaw. He was not going to get killed by him today.

"There has to be a way to do this!" Cried Gilbert. "We just have to think!"

Without warning Romulus spat a zombie at the pair. Matthew screamed in surprise and cut that fucker in half. "NOT COOL! I CAN HANDLE THE LASERS! I CAN HANDLE NEVER GETTING THE SMELL OF UNDEAD OUT OF MY HAIR! BUT I CAN'T HANDLE ALL THIS FLYING ZOMBIE BULLSHIT!" He started to shoot Romulus in the eyes. "DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!"

"… You don't freak out about all the other freaky crap, but you freak out about that?" Muttered Gilbert.

"DIE!" Screamed Matthew as he continued to shoot Romulus in the face.

"This isn't possible!" Cried Gilbert. "He's too strong!"

Matthew just growled and kept shooting at him. Romulus reached over with his other hand and attempted to flick Matthew's head off his body, but Matthew jammed the chainsaw into his hand, making him move it just in time.

Romulus growled in frustration and threw Matthew up into the air. "Bon Appetit!" He bellowed as Matthew flew towards his mouth. Matthew just grinned and did a cannon ball right into the zombie's mouth and as soon as he closed his chompers Matthew started to brutally cut up the inside of his mouth. This caused Romulus to spit him out onto the roof of a building.

Matthew slid across the roof's surface, almost falling off the other side. He was not used to getting covered in zombie spit. He quickly got up just as Romulus slammed his hands against the roof. Matthew ran up to him and started to cut off his fingers, just as a bit of payback for spitting him onto the roof in the first place, but his fingers kept regenerating.

"Try jumping onto his body!" Cried Gilbert. "It might work!"

"I guess…" Muttered Matthew. He was about to try and jump onto Romulus's body, but he moved his hands away, and started to throw zombies with TNT strapped to them at him. "Oh come on!" Cried Matthew as he ran for his life, avoiding the exploding zombies and Romulus when he slammed his hands against the roof, almost crushing him.

"LOOK OUT!" Cried Gilbert. Matthew gasped and jumped out of the way just as Romulus's long rotted tongue shot out of his mouth and landed on the roof with a thud, making him look like a frog. "I'll be so happy when you kill this guy!"

Suddenly Romulus slammed his hand over Matthew trapping him. Matthew just growled and chopped off his nails and the tips of his fingers. "Stupid zombie." Hissed Matthew. As he quickly jumped out from under the hand.

"Jump on his body now!" Cried Gilbert.

Matthew didn't need to be told twice. He jumped onto Romulus's arm and started to run up it. "Did you see the way that zombies head back their splattered all over everything? If I'd have put you in a mail box you would have missed that." He jumped out of the way as Romulus tried to squish him.

Suddenly his phone went off. "Matthew-kun, can you hear me?" Asked Kiku. "Now listen carefully as our connection is tenuous… you must do as I say."

Matthew nodded. "Okay."

"You're making good progress." Said Kiku. "A path will open for you if you move ahead, through his mouth and into his body."

Matthew shrugged. "I'm pretty good at keeping guys out of my body… Never really tried getting inside someone else's…"

Suddenly Romulus started shooting lasers at Matthew again. Said Canadian quickly jumped, flipped and ducked out of the way, but with all the complicated flips Matthew tripped over his feet and fell flat on his face. He looked up just in time to see Romulus glaring at him, his eyes charging, ready to zap him and Gilbert into oblivion. "Matthew! Look out!" Called Francis.

Matthew gasped in shock as he saw Francis flying through the air on his motor bike towards Romulus's face. The side car was stuffed with TNT. Matthew gasped in shock. "PAPA!"

Francis simply smiled as he pulled the pin out of a grenade and Romulus stared at him in shock. There was a huge explosion as a huge hole that ripped right through Romulus's head, but the monster still stood.

"Go Matthew-kun!" Cried Kiku. "Go now! Before the hole closes!"

Matthew could move, he couldn't think. He just sat there and cried wept. "But… Papa… He… PAPA!"

"You have to go into Romulus's body!" Said Kiku frantically. "You have to go before the hole your papa created closes! His weakness is inside his body!"

Matthew shook his head as tears streamed down his face. "I… I can't…"

"Matthew, listen to me!" Said Gilbert firmly. "You have to go now! Your Papa did what he did because he trusted you! Show him he was right to believe in you!"

Matthew sniffled a little and wiped away his tears. "Okay, Gil…" Slowly he stood up and picked up his chainsaw. "Let's get this over with…" With a burst of energy he ran towards Romulus's face and jumped down his throat, cutting his tongue along the way.

He hit the soft, damp, fleshy insides of the zombie with a thump. He quickly got up as his phone went off. "Matthew, can you hear me?" Asked Kiku. "I don't know what's going to happen next. Something very frightening… something demonic… is in the air… Be careful."

Matthew nodded and hung up, picking up his chainsaw at the same time. He gulped. "Oh my God, Papa. I really hope this was worth it…"

He ran forwards, starting to butcher any part of Romulus's insides that got in his way. He jumped and ducked and dodged as thick cartilage shot out of the sides and almost impaled him. Eventually though, they made it to his core.

Slowly Matthew and Gilbert approached the core of Romulus. The core as it turns out was Vlad's body wired into its system via nerves. They could still see his head a few feet away from his body.

Matthew's phone rang again. "Matthew, are you there?" Asked Kiku.

"Yeah, we're here." Said Matthew.

"That's its core." Said Kiku. "Listen carefully. This is your final lesson. Romulus is a mountain of tainted flesh, all held together by evil spirits. You have to send a signal from its core commanding it to self-destruct. Once the body is destroyed all of the captured souls will be sent back to Rotten World. Take control of his core and make him destroy himself!"

"How?" Asked Matthew.

Kiku paused for a moment. "By detonating a Gil bomb."

"A WHAT?" Cried Gilbert and Matthew in unison.

Kiku cleared his throat. "Like you have throughout this battle, you must connect Gilbert's head to Vlad's body."

Matthew gulped. "But what will happen to Gilbert?"

"I am so sorry…" Said Kiku. "Gilbert will die but-" The line went dead.

"Sensei?" Cried Matthew. "I can't hear you!" Slowly he put his phone away and dropped to his knees. He couldn't handle the thought of losing Gilbert, not right after losing his Papa. Tears of sorrow silently fell down his face.

A thick silence fell between them, only broken by Gilbert as he sighed. "You were right all along, Matthew… There's a reason I'm here. There's a plan greater than all of us. But it's time to say goodbye. Put me there and make the bomb."

"What?" Whimpered Matthew.

"You need to put me on Vlad's body." Said Gilbert calmly. "It's the only way to stop him."

"No!" Cried Matthew. "He said you'll die!"

"It's okay Matthew." Said Gilbert. "I feel strong of the first time in my life. I feel lucky to have been on this journey with you and your family. I feel like a… zombie hunter."

"I can't Gil." Sobbed Matthew. "I don't want to be without you!"

"I know Birdie." Said Gilbert. "But sometimes there are more important things than what we want in life."

"Gilbert…" Whimpered Matthew. He knew that everything he was saying was true. So with a heavy heart he slowly got to his feet and walked over to Vlad's body and placed Gilbert's head onto it. He leaned forwards and kissed him softly on the lips. "I love you… So much…"

"I love you too, Matthew." Said Gilbert with a small smile. "More than anything." There was an explosion as Romulus's body blew to smithereens.

**XoXoXo page brake oXoXoX**

"Gilbert… Gilbert?" Called Kiku.

Gilbert slowly opened his eyes, he was still a head and seemed to be floating in the vacuum of space. Kiku's disembodied voice echoed around him. "What the?"

"Because of your honour and sacrifice the mad feast has come to an end." Said Kiku. "You have truly been a hero. The Glorious Ones have chosen to bless you with a reward… But unfortunately, in the shuffling of this death and that death, this body and that, there was a small mix-up."

"A mix-up?" Asked Gilbert. "What kind of mix-up?"

Kiku cleared his throat. "Oh… nothing too big… But I will be watching you from above so please look after Matthew okay?" Suddenly there was another flash of blinding light.

**XoXoXo page brake oXoXoX**

When Gilbert next opened his eyes he was standing where Romulus once stood among the crippled buildings. A few feet away was Matthew, sitting down and crying his heart out. Gilbert grinned. "Matthew!"

Matthew looked over at Gilbert and stood up, not being able to believe his eyes. "Gilbert!" They ran towards one another to embrace each other in a hug, but when they got close they realized a small problem. Gilbert, who used to only be a few centimetres shorter than Matthew now only came up to his chest.

Gilbert looked down at himself and shook his head. "The mix-up… I got Kiku's body… but slightly younger I'm guessing… I… um… Oh what the hell, I guess."

Matthew chuckled. "I'm just glad that you have a body now… even if you are a little shorter than you used to be, I still love you." They looked into each other's eyes lovingly, slowly moving closer to each other, arms wrapped around one another as the slowly moved in for a kiss.

"Hey, face-suckers, over here!" Yelled Steve. Matthew and Gilbert pulled away from each other and looked over at Matthew's family; Steve was grinning and jumping around as Alfred and Arthur helped to keep the slightly singed Frenchman from falling over.

"Papa!" Cried Matthew, his voice full of joy. "You survived!"

Francis grinned. "Yep… Though I think I lost a testicle in the blast… But who cares, you only need one."

Gilbert grinned. "Looking great sir." He took Matthew's had as the group started to make their way back to the house as the sun started to rise on a new day.

"Hey Frog…" Said Arthur. "Don't you think you should go to the hospital?"

"Not necessary." Said Francis. "I used a staple gun up there to put it back together again. I'm a new man!"

Steve chuckled. "That's gross."

Alfred shook his head. "It's completely horrifying."

"You know what?" Asked Matthew. "This really has been the best birthday ever!"

When they got back to the house Steven and Alfred went straight to the kitchen to grab the candles and the cake. "Uncle Francis, Uncle Iggy, set the table!" Said Steve.

In a matter of minutes everyone was sitting around a table singing happy birthday. As they sat around eating cake Gilbert pulled a box out from under the table. "Hey Matthew, this is for you." Matthew smiled and opened the box. It was filled with red and white roses, but underneath it all were two large bottles of Canadian maple syrup. "Happy birthday, Birdie."

**The End**

**Shinigami-cat: **And that's that. Please review and check out my other stories! Thank you everyone who supported and put up with all this crack.


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